After downing a good part of a fifth of Wild Turkey, I started to get my queer on and busted out the computer to look for something inspiring to blow a few loads to. The first image that caught my eye was a shot of Barack Obama and his shaved chest that was taken in Hawaii just a few days ago. I started thinking about why the fuck would the new president of the USA be shaving or waxing his chest? WTF? This is a pretty queer thing for anyone to do but the fucking president? What does this tell our enemies? It tells them that the ruler of the free world is wasting his time going to the gym and waxing his chest instead of focusing on the problems facing the world.
Then I saw the photo of Michelle Obama and it all became clear. Barack is gay! Michelle is a beard! How did I not see if before? The careful manscaping, the effeminate voice, sucking dick for crack when he was living in NYC. It was a revelation. I decided to punish myself during this session and got out the Ben Gay. Ben Gay is fantastic for putting a little twist into jerking off. First I spread a healthy amount of Ben Gay on my fist shaped buttplug and started to work it in. Goddamn! This felt like I had been in Mexico for the last month eating tacos from street carts and chugging picante sauce – talk about the hot-poops. Next I stuck my hand into the half gallon container that I store my Ben Gay in, grabbed a dallop and started jerking my cock to that goddamned queer Barack.
It was only a matter of minutes before I blew a load across the computer screen and face of our next president. I think that Barack Obama has surpassed my adoration of Jerry Gonzalez.