Archive for February, 2010

Just blew a load out my window

February 16, 2010

I don’t have much to say today other than I just blew a load out my front window and on to the windshield of a parked car. I hate that car because it’s been parked there for the last two days and hasn’t moved. WTF is wrong with these people anyway?

I have no idea what I am going to do today but I know that it’s going to involve blowing another load or two before lunch. I might go down to the Castro to grab a bite to eat and that always means that I’ll rub at least one out on the way over there. I like to take the Muni K/T down there because it drops me off not far from the theatre and all of the good restaurants though today I want to try out Squat & Gobble on 16th. The name cracks me up because all I can think of is a hot chick squatting and gobbling my knob which I’m sure is why they named it that.

I am not gay!

February 9, 2010

It doesn’t matter where I woke up this afternoon, I AM NOT GAY!

That is all.

Mitch

This is My Waterloo

February 5, 2010

As most of you know, I can blow a load just walking on a slanted sidewalk but I have met my match. This fucking beast has been the only thing that has ever made my cock go as limp as an overcooked piece of angel hair pasta.

I watched Jersey Shore or whatever the fuck it’s called over at a friends house and they dared me to rub one out to this Snookie beast. Always one for a challenge I took the bet and put some money on it figuring it would be an easy five bucks. No sooner than I started to whip out my dick it became obvious that this wasn’t going to be happening. My fucking cock decided to play turtle on me and disappeared into it’s © groincave and wouldn’t come out for anything.

I’d sooner fuck a stray dog with rabies than this Snookie beast.

Fuck me!

This is How I Roll

February 4, 2010

If I had total control over my looks this is how I imagine I’d look like. Think of the possibilities.

On another note I jerked off four times today. I was going through my Tivo and for some fucking reason Rosie O’Donnell was taped. I like as much gayness as the next guy but Rosie if far too masculine for my taste. But for some reason I felt compelled to watch and before I knew it I had a chubby and the urge to rub one out yet it was Rosie on the screen. One thing led to another and I jammed my hand into the commercial tin of Crisco I keep next to my couch and went to town. Now before some of start to wonder what the fuck I was thinking keep in mind that this was my first cockflog of the day so I could have jerked it to a nun and been through in 30 seconds.

Watching Rosie on the screen I began to imagine her as a man which wasn’t too much of a stretch. From the stubble on her chin to her mannish features she could easily pass for a fat dude. She kind of reminds me of Jerry Gonzalez with hair. I’m not into the bear scene but like I said, it was my first cockflogging on the day. It took longer than I thought but I managed to nut in about 90 seconds and blew my load out my front window on to the sidewalk. I dig blowing my load into the air and watching it fall and splat.

It’s now 2PM or so and I’ve nutted three more times and I think I’m going to go for a before dinner yank. Anyone have any suggestions on what I should use or what I should blow my load on?

Later,

Mitch

Goddamn it’s Fucking February Already!

February 1, 2010

What the fuck happened to January? I feel like someone slipped me some roofies after new years and I just woke up.

Part of my New Years Resolution for 2010 is to get really creative on the first of the month and jerk off in a really big way. This morning I did just that.

I always keep a tub of Crisco on hand because you never know when you’re going to need some emergency lube. I score with so many chicks in Frisco that are into buttsex that I would go broke buying AnalEze and Crisco works just as well and is much cheaper.

So I broke out my trusty bat I bought a couple years ago and hadn’t used for anything other than threatening my old roommate for rent money and put it to good use. I was a little worried about splinters and thought about puttng a condom on the end but then thought what the fuck and started working it in.

This was working for my but them I saw a roll of duck tape on the floor that I used to quiet some horny old broad who was too noisy (and too hairy if you ask me) and started wrapping it tight around my cock and balls. This was a weird feeling for me but I got into it and blew a load that shot across the room and hit the window dead center.

Now for the bad news. Getting the duck tape off was FUCKING PAINFUL! I didn’t think about this part when I was wrapping it around my cock. It took off all of the hair on my balls and a little skin too. I don’t think I’ll be jerking off for a couple days until I scab over and heal.