Goddamn it’s Fucking February Already!

What the fuck happened to January? I feel like someone slipped me some roofies after new years and I just woke up.

Part of my New Years Resolution for 2010 is to get really creative on the first of the month and jerk off in a really big way. This morning I did just that.

I always keep a tub of Crisco on hand because you never know when you’re going to need some emergency lube. I score with so many chicks in Frisco that are into buttsex that I would go broke buying AnalEze and Crisco works just as well and is much cheaper.

So I broke out my trusty bat I bought a couple years ago and hadn’t used for anything other than threatening my old roommate for rent money and put it to good use. I was a little worried about splinters and thought about puttng a condom on the end but then thought what the fuck and started working it in.

This was working for my but them I saw a roll of duck tape on the floor that I used to quiet some horny old broad who was too noisy (and too hairy if you ask me) and started wrapping it tight around my cock and balls. This was a weird feeling for me but I got into it and blew a load that shot across the room and hit the window dead center.

Now for the bad news. Getting the duck tape off was FUCKING PAINFUL! I didn’t think about this part when I was wrapping it around my cock. It took off all of the hair on my balls and a little skin too. I don’t think I’ll be jerking off for a couple days until I scab over and heal.

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4 Responses to “Goddamn it’s Fucking February Already!”

  1. muchspace Says:

    Mitch,

    You are a cock-stroking innovator! If their was a masturbation Olympics you would have all the gold medals around your neck! I hope your cock heals soon, next time use scotch tape. : )

    • mitchhaase Says:

      Thank you for the praise. I do my best of course I have found that it helps being unemployed and having the time to spend dreaming up new ways to creatively jerk off.

      This week I am going to jerk off from the center of the Golden Gate Bridge and try to blow my load on to a passing boat. This is going to be tough with all of the security on the bridge but I can usually rub one out in just a few strokes if I want so I am not worried about it.

      Later,

      Mitch

  2. Chris Scarce Says:

    What the F I just typed in Rawlings baseball bats and this is the site they send me to. How much is that bat by the way- it better be on sale now that it has been up your butthole. Also I think you should throw in the rest of the roll of tape that you didn’t use if I am even thinking about buying the bat. And make sure no corn is on the handle perv.
    Chris
    http://www.whatthef42.blogspot.com/

  3. Chris Scarce Says:

    How much for that bat? I have a wooden bat league I am in during the summer and am looking for a deal. Also if you don’t mind throwing that tape in so I don’t have to touch the handle. I dont suppose you have any batting gloves, hopefully ones you have not shoved up your butthole. Also if you could sand down any of the splinter parts that your butt hole may have made, I need a real smooth cheap rawlings to knock the cover off the ball the natural style, but I don’t know how the league feels about that much lotion on the bat. I don’t know if it is like pine tar where it can only be so high. I will have to check before I decide to purchase. Keep me in mind thanks.
    Chris
    http://www.whatthef42.blogspot.com/

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