Archive for July, 2010

Jerking it in LA

July 20, 2010

What up my niggah’s? I’m in LA this week doing a little recon on the Hollywood scene. I used to come down here a lot when I had more time but sleeping until noon and then rubbing a dozen loads out during the course of the day doesn’t leave much time for traveling – or does it?

I jumped on a Southworst flight this morning and flew into LA. My buddy Peter who used to live in Frisco picked me up at the airport. Peter lives in a cool apartment just off Sunset next to a bar called Akbar. I thought it was a bar for Alaskan guys when I saw the sign but Peter says that they get a raging crowd every night of the week. Frisco only goes off on the weekends which makes me thing I should move down here.

We hung out at a place in Santa Monica called Roosterfish and sucked down a few cold ones. I was parched after my flight which included rubbing one out at 35,000 feet! FUCK YES! I blew my load all over the counter in the lavatory and left it there for some lucky lady. It wasn’t the first time I jerked of on a plane but it never gets old.

Peter wants to wait until midnight before we go down to Akbar. I’m drinking some strong coffee because I have a feeling that we are going to score with some chicks big time tonight. I love to bang LA bitches because they always scream like banshees when I fuck them. That’s cool with me because I love the feedback.

I’ll post more tomorrow after I wake up and let you fuckers know how I made out.

Later,

Mitch

The HTC Evo jackstand

July 13, 2010
Is this what I think it is or does my phone have a boner?

Is this what I think it is or does my phone have a boner?

The HTC Evo jackstand in action

The HTC Evo jackstand in action

That’s right masturbators, the new HTC Evo has a built-in jackstand!

This leaves no doubt that the designers at HTC are avid masturbators and probably flaming homosexuals to boot.

The jackstand is the greatest cell phone innovation since the iPhone. This is ironic, considering Steve Jobs is dying of AIDS, a homosexual’s disease.

Sincerely,
Mitch Haase

It is 100% hetero to have men in your spank bank

July 12, 2010
Fake Plastic Asses

Fresh out of the box, my fake plastic asses

That’s right bitches, it is TOTALLY STRAIGHT to jerk it to men.

As long as I don’t take another dude’s cock in my mouth or up my sweet virgin ass, I am fine.

I’ve been catching a lot of shit lately from a lot of people, they accuse me of being a homo but they don’t know shit.  I have never been a gay man, not even in college.  Fuck you for even thinking that I might.

My fake plastic asses finally arrived so I’m going to cut this short and get to some simulated rectal exam solo ass play.

Sincerely,

Mitch Haase

Fuck all you faggots, I am straight

July 11, 2010

That’s right homos, I am a straight man and there is nothing you can do about it.

My ass is as virgin as the driven snow.  My cock has seen miles of pussy and you wish it was yours.

San Francisco is a den of faggotry and I thank Zeus every morning that I am as straight as Tom Cruise.

Fuck you all and suck my ass.  I am going out to dinner at Mecca, which is a restaurant for straight men.  Last time there was a homo in that place he had his ass beaten and dragged down Castro street.  Of course the gullible Castro queers thought it was an S & M display and laughed their asses off.  Dipshits.

Later,

Mitch

On-demand rectal exam!

July 10, 2010
Pocket Rectal Exam!

This will keep me busy all weekend!

Holy shit masturbators, this is exactly what I’ve been looking for!

As you know, I love giving and receiving rectal exams, which is not gay in any shape or form.  This plastic ass will give me satisfaction whenever I need it, which will be nice because it can be god damn difficult to find other dudes who are straight and into rectal exams.

I ordered two of these because I wanted to make sure I had a spare in case this one breaks.

Time to hit my favorite tranny bar, The Gang Way on fabulous Market Street in San Francisco.  If I don’t have any luck finding straight men to give and receive rectal exams with, maybe this plastic ass will be waiting in my mailbox when I get home!