Archive for the ‘Michelle Obama is a beard’ Category

Jerking it in LA

July 20, 2010

What up my niggah’s? I’m in LA this week doing a little recon on the Hollywood scene. I used to come down here a lot when I had more time but sleeping until noon and then rubbing a dozen loads out during the course of the day doesn’t leave much time for traveling – or does it?

I jumped on a Southworst flight this morning and flew into LA. My buddy Peter who used to live in Frisco picked me up at the airport. Peter lives in a cool apartment just off Sunset next to a bar called Akbar. I thought it was a bar for Alaskan guys when I saw the sign but Peter says that they get a raging crowd every night of the week. Frisco only goes off on the weekends which makes me thing I should move down here.

We hung out at a place in Santa Monica called Roosterfish and sucked down a few cold ones. I was parched after my flight which included rubbing one out at 35,000 feet! FUCK YES! I blew my load all over the counter in the lavatory and left it there for some lucky lady. It wasn’t the first time I jerked of on a plane but it never gets old.

Peter wants to wait until midnight before we go down to Akbar. I’m drinking some strong coffee because I have a feeling that we are going to score with some chicks big time tonight. I love to bang LA bitches because they always scream like banshees when I fuck them. That’s cool with me because I love the feedback.

I’ll post more tomorrow after I wake up and let you fuckers know how I made out.



This is freaking me out!

February 13, 2009

I haven’t been able to fucking think straight today after the dream that I had last night.

I woke up in a cold sweat from a dream where I was in bed with Michelle Obama. Personally, I think she looks freakish with those teeth that burst out of her mouth and that cro-mag brow. I woke in in a panic because I am not into that look, I can tell you that. My dick was shriveled up like a button mushroom and I actually had a panic attack I think. This is not the same reaction I had a few weeks ago when I dreamt about being in bed with Barack. In that dream he wrapped his audacious lips around my dick and sucked like he was trying to get my vote for the stimulus package.

I am going to try to get myself together and make some arugula for dinner and see if I can get Jerry Gonzalez into my thoughts instead of Michelle Obama.

Barack is my new fixation

December 28, 2008

After no inflatable butt plugs showed up in my stockings, I decided to hit the bottle. Boozing is my favorite hobby next to jerking off and I am quite skilled in both.

After downing a good part of a fifth of Wild Turkey, I started to get my queer on and busted out the computer to look for something inspiring to blow a few loads to. The first image that caught my eye was a shot of Barack Obama and his shaved chest that was taken in Hawaii just a few days ago. I started thinking about why the fuck would the new president of the USA be shaving or waxing his chest? WTF? This is a pretty queer thing for anyone to do but the fucking president? What does this tell our enemies? It tells them that the ruler of the free world is wasting his time going to the gym and waxing his chest instead of focusing on the problems facing the world.
Then I saw the photo of Michelle Obama and it all became clear. Barack is gay! Michelle is a beard! How did I not see if before? The careful manscaping, the effeminate voice, sucking dick for crack when he was living in NYC. It was a revelation. I decided to punish myself during this session and got out the Ben Gay. Ben Gay is fantastic for putting a little twist into jerking off. First I spread a healthy amount of Ben Gay on my fist shaped buttplug and started to work it in. Goddamn! This felt like I had been in Mexico for the last month eating tacos from street carts and chugging picante sauce – talk about the hot-poops. Next I stuck my hand into the half gallon container that I store my Ben Gay in, grabbed a dallop and started jerking my cock to that goddamned queer Barack.
It was only a matter of minutes before I blew a load across the computer screen and face of our next president. I think that Barack Obama has surpassed my adoration of Jerry Gonzalez.