Posts Tagged ‘baseball bat’

Goddamn it’s Fucking February Already!

February 1, 2010

What the fuck happened to January? I feel like someone slipped me some roofies after new years and I just woke up.

Part of my New Years Resolution for 2010 is to get really creative on the first of the month and jerk off in a really big way. This morning I did just that.

I always keep a tub of Crisco on hand because you never know when you’re going to need some emergency lube. I score with so many chicks in Frisco that are into buttsex that I would go broke buying AnalEze and Crisco works just as well and is much cheaper.

So I broke out my trusty bat I bought a couple years ago and hadn’t used for anything other than threatening my old roommate for rent money and put it to good use. I was a little worried about splinters and thought about puttng a condom on the end but then thought what the fuck and started working it in.

This was working for my but them I saw a roll of duck tape on the floor that I used to quiet some horny old broad who was too noisy (and too hairy if you ask me) and started wrapping it tight around my cock and balls. This was a weird feeling for me but I got into it and blew a load that shot across the room and hit the window dead center.

Now for the bad news. Getting the duck tape off was FUCKING PAINFUL! I didn’t think about this part when I was wrapping it around my cock. It took off all of the hair on my balls and a little skin too. I don’t think I’ll be jerking off for a couple days until I scab over and heal.