Posts Tagged ‘crisco’

Blowing Loads on Mexican Protesters

May 1, 2010

Today is the big Mexican immigration protests that are supposed to be going on around the country and I am ready to do my part. I am in LA visiting some old friends from SF Jacks and they live right where the big LA protest marchers are supposed to gather.

Yes, you know where I am going with this. We are going to hang out on the roofs, jerk off and blow our loads on the protesters. If they want to live here so bad then they can take a sperm shower courtesy of ME and my friends.

This is a large movement in the US and there will be thousands of guys jerking off on these Mexicans today all over the country. I am so sick of these little fucks demanding their rights as illegal immigrants that I am ready to fucking puke. No make that ready to blow my load on their heads.

Go pick my corn and STFU you mexican bastards. Get ready for your cum shower assholes.

Later,

Mitch

UPDATE!!!!

Just wanted to let everyone know that it was a VERY successful day of gravity enabled cumshots. There were about 20 of us on the roof and though there weren’t that many mexicans out protesting where we were at in LA we managed to blow loads on at least 50 of those ungrateful fuckers. All in all it was a great day and I made a lot of new buddies.

This Toy Ball is MINE!

April 26, 2010

I am as straight as the next guy here in Frisco but I do like a little gayness when I jerk off as my regular readers know. This brings me to today’s post.

Being unemployed has it’s perks especially in the entitlement heavy enclave of Frisco. This environment not only allows me to sleep in every day of the week but also allows me plenty of time to jerk off and train my asshole to accept large objects. Thank you San Francisco!

I’ve been working on this damn ball for weeks now and finally managed to get it up my ass this morning. Thank god I had a camera handy to record this occasion. It took a lot of crisco and a combination of photos of Jerry Gonzalez and internet gay porn to get this past my tight sphincter. Well, it was tight at one time and now it’s getting as loose as Barney Franks ass I would think. Anyway, I got this damn ball up there and am now working on getting it out. I know it will just come shooting out like a ping pong ball from a Thai hookers pussy eventually and I am just enjoying the stretched feeling it’s been giving me for the last few hours.

This accomplishment calls for a celebration so after I get it out I am headed over to Jason’s place and we’re riing out bikes down to the Castro for some food and drinks.

Goddamn it’s Fucking February Already!

February 1, 2010

What the fuck happened to January? I feel like someone slipped me some roofies after new years and I just woke up.

Part of my New Years Resolution for 2010 is to get really creative on the first of the month and jerk off in a really big way. This morning I did just that.

I always keep a tub of Crisco on hand because you never know when you’re going to need some emergency lube. I score with so many chicks in Frisco that are into buttsex that I would go broke buying AnalEze and Crisco works just as well and is much cheaper.

So I broke out my trusty bat I bought a couple years ago and hadn’t used for anything other than threatening my old roommate for rent money and put it to good use. I was a little worried about splinters and thought about puttng a condom on the end but then thought what the fuck and started working it in.

This was working for my but them I saw a roll of duck tape on the floor that I used to quiet some horny old broad who was too noisy (and too hairy if you ask me) and started wrapping it tight around my cock and balls. This was a weird feeling for me but I got into it and blew a load that shot across the room and hit the window dead center.

Now for the bad news. Getting the duck tape off was FUCKING PAINFUL! I didn’t think about this part when I was wrapping it around my cock. It took off all of the hair on my balls and a little skin too. I don’t think I’ll be jerking off for a couple days until I scab over and heal.