Posts Tagged ‘Heterosexual’

Steve Jobs has AIDS

September 29, 2010

Steve Jobs, inventor of the gayest phone ever, has AIDS:

Steve Jobs AIDS Test Results

HIV test results for Steve Jobs

That’s right faggots, Steve Jobs has AIDS and there is nothing you can do about it.

When Steve Jobs dies of AIDS, the progression of iPhone gayness will stop.  You will be shit outta luck when you have to learn how to use a heterosexual phone all over again.

I can’t wait until the parade of cell phone faggotry ends.

Sincerely,

Mitch Haase

Homosexual Apple Engineers

Typical day in Cupertino

It is 100% hetero to have men in your spank bank

July 12, 2010
Fake Plastic Asses

Fresh out of the box, my fake plastic asses

That’s right bitches, it is TOTALLY STRAIGHT to jerk it to men.

As long as I don’t take another dude’s cock in my mouth or up my sweet virgin ass, I am fine.

I’ve been catching a lot of shit lately from a lot of people, they accuse me of being a homo but they don’t know shit.  I have never been a gay man, not even in college.  Fuck you for even thinking that I might.

My fake plastic asses finally arrived so I’m going to cut this short and get to some simulated rectal exam solo ass play.

Sincerely,

Mitch Haase

On-demand rectal exam!

July 10, 2010
Pocket Rectal Exam!

This will keep me busy all weekend!

Holy shit masturbators, this is exactly what I’ve been looking for!

As you know, I love giving and receiving rectal exams, which is not gay in any shape or form.  This plastic ass will give me satisfaction whenever I need it, which will be nice because it can be god damn difficult to find other dudes who are straight and into rectal exams.

I ordered two of these because I wanted to make sure I had a spare in case this one breaks.

Time to hit my favorite tranny bar, The Gang Way on fabulous Market Street in San Francisco.  If I don’t have any luck finding straight men to give and receive rectal exams with, maybe this plastic ass will be waiting in my mailbox when I get home!