Posts Tagged ‘masturbation’

Obama Fooled Me Again!

May 10, 2010

So I woke up a few minutes ago with my dick in my hand and went over to the computer to find some porn to get busy with. When my screen came up it was on Drudgereport.com and I saw this bastion of masculinity and decided to look no farther for my morning encouragement. I was almost there and then I saw the pearl necklace and realized that this wasn’t a dude! I stopped immediately and read the article that it went to and goddamn if I hadn’t been fooled again! The first time this happened was when Janet Napolitano first came in to the news.

WTF is it with Obama and these burly women who look like dudes? I mean seriously? These women that Obama appoints all look like fucking Charles Bronson if you ask me.

And that gives me a good idea who to jerk off to this morning. Charles Bronson get ready for a load of Mitch!

Later,

Mitch

UPDATE: After jerking it twice to Charles Bronson in Chato’s Land I went back to the photo of the “man” above and managed to rub one out without too much trouble. I am going to try it again before I go out tonight and may go with the jar of peanut butter method and see how that works. I don’t think I’ll bother with using any more of Obama’s manlike appointments to jerk it to unless Rahm comes up by accident. He’s actually a little too effeminate for me.

Blowing Loads on Mexican Protesters

May 1, 2010

Today is the big Mexican immigration protests that are supposed to be going on around the country and I am ready to do my part. I am in LA visiting some old friends from SF Jacks and they live right where the big LA protest marchers are supposed to gather.

Yes, you know where I am going with this. We are going to hang out on the roofs, jerk off and blow our loads on the protesters. If they want to live here so bad then they can take a sperm shower courtesy of ME and my friends.

This is a large movement in the US and there will be thousands of guys jerking off on these Mexicans today all over the country. I am so sick of these little fucks demanding their rights as illegal immigrants that I am ready to fucking puke. No make that ready to blow my load on their heads.

Go pick my corn and STFU you mexican bastards. Get ready for your cum shower assholes.

Later,

Mitch

UPDATE!!!!

Just wanted to let everyone know that it was a VERY successful day of gravity enabled cumshots. There were about 20 of us on the roof and though there weren’t that many mexicans out protesting where we were at in LA we managed to blow loads on at least 50 of those ungrateful fuckers. All in all it was a great day and I made a lot of new buddies.

This Toy Ball is MINE!

April 26, 2010

I am as straight as the next guy here in Frisco but I do like a little gayness when I jerk off as my regular readers know. This brings me to today’s post.

Being unemployed has it’s perks especially in the entitlement heavy enclave of Frisco. This environment not only allows me to sleep in every day of the week but also allows me plenty of time to jerk off and train my asshole to accept large objects. Thank you San Francisco!

I’ve been working on this damn ball for weeks now and finally managed to get it up my ass this morning. Thank god I had a camera handy to record this occasion. It took a lot of crisco and a combination of photos of Jerry Gonzalez and internet gay porn to get this past my tight sphincter. Well, it was tight at one time and now it’s getting as loose as Barney Franks ass I would think. Anyway, I got this damn ball up there and am now working on getting it out. I know it will just come shooting out like a ping pong ball from a Thai hookers pussy eventually and I am just enjoying the stretched feeling it’s been giving me for the last few hours.

This accomplishment calls for a celebration so after I get it out I am headed over to Jason’s place and we’re riing out bikes down to the Castro for some food and drinks.

I am not gay!

February 9, 2010

It doesn’t matter where I woke up this afternoon, I AM NOT GAY!

That is all.

Mitch

I Blew a Load into the San Francisco Bay

January 29, 2010

I spent most of today cruising around the city looking for a job. I got laid off a while back and damn is it hard to find something these days.

I spent most of the day in Noe Valley and the Castro stopping in a few bars for drinks and shooting the shit with the rest of the unemployed assholes around town.

Once it started to get close to 3pm I popped my mid afternoon boner and had to do something about it. I thought about going into a porno theatre but blowing a load in there is so played out. Sure, you have the glory holes in some of them and that can be fun but I really just needed to get a hand on things if you know what I mean.

I found myself at the ferry terminal and got on one of the Red & White fleet boats and made my way to the back. The weather kept most everyone inside so I had the rear deck to myself. I unzipped and did the old spit in the palm routine and got to work. By the time we got half way across the bay I was blowing my load into the bay like a pro. I managed to nut twice before making the return to the city, wiped my hand off on the rail and got off the boat. I walked up to North Beach and grabbed a plate of the cheapest gook food I could find.

I think it’s time to start going to SF Jacks again because although this solo thing is fun I really need a little more gayness when I jerk off.

Happy New Year Everyone!

January 2, 2010

Just a quick note before I go out on the town.

Last night, New Years Eve, was a little out of control. I can’t go into details right now because of legal reasons but lets just say that fucking dude in the dress won’t be trying to give anyone a reach around in the near future.

I am going down to the Twin Peaks Tavern to drink a few down and see if I can shake this fucking hangover that I have had all day. I am never drinking silk panties again. That’s a drink not really panties for you ignorant ones.

And last, my new years resolution is to masturbate at least once a day, every day, all year. So far I am on track to keep this resolution even though it is only day 1. I jerked off on my balcony this morning as people were walking down the sidewalk. I tried to blow a load on this dude as he rode by on a bike but I didn’t lead him enough and I just hit the sidewalk and the hood of a car.

Off to the tavern. Blow a load and tell me about it – I appreciate your comments.

Happy Fucking New Years!

December 31, 2009

It’s that time of year again and I am ready to party!

Not sure what all my plans are going to be tonight but I am going out and will be slaying some pussy and you can bet on that.

I am meeting some friends for drinks at some bar called the Hole in the Wall. Never been there but Bruce said that it’s a cool place to hang out. After I get a few in me I’ll go out hunting some poon. If anyone has any good suggestions on places to go please let me know because for some reason the bitches haven’t been out on the town much. I don’t know if it’s the economy or they don’t like the rain but it’s been DRY if you know what I mean. The only thing wet has been my palm with a big dollop of Anal Ease.

Speaking of masturbation, I had a great session on the J-Church the other night. I was coming home from a bar and it was late and I was one of the only ones on the train besides some dudes in the front. I was wearing some jeans so I just unzipped and started jerking it. Before I knew it I was ready to blow and left my spooge all over the seat in front of me just as I was getting to my stop. I wiped my dick on the back of the seat and zipped up.

It was a good night. Tonight should be even better.

Happy New Years to all.

Greetings Faggots!

December 23, 2009

It’s been over a month since I last blogged so let me get you all up to date.

On thanksgiving I went to a “Barack Obama Circle Jerk” party in Noe Valley. My friend Stephen held it and had told me that it was co-ed but only dudes showed up. We basically sat around and jerked off to Barack Obama giving speeches. As some of you know from my old blog I have a bit of a thing for Barack Obama when I jerk off but I wast to reiterate that I am not gay in any way shape or form. I just like a little gayness when I jerk off.

Anyway there were about twenty guys at the circle jerk and we all blew our loads onto an Obama campaign poster. Someone took a photo and I am trying to get a copy of it so I can post it here.

During the early part of december I went on a masturbation marathon and did nothing else for ten days. Unemployment rocks if you like to jerk off a lot. I started off jerking it on my couch watching old Andy Griffith shows. I even tried to jerk it to a documentary about Harvey Milk but it was too gay for me to blow a load to.

I thought it would be fun to jerk off at differnet locations around the city. My first stop was the old windmill in GG park down by ocean beach. I blew a load right on the side of the windmill and that was cool. My next stop was Pier 39. I had to do my thing there late at night when nobody was around. I tried to blow my load on a seal but couldn’t get the distance. Next up was Union Square in front of Macy’s where I met a guy sleeping in the park who jerked off with me. We both blew our loads on a photo of Gavin Newsom that was in the Guardian. From there I went down to what used to be my favorite burger joint in SF, Hot and Hunky. I can’t believe that it’s gone but I jerked off and blew a load on the doormat in honor of the great burgers they used to serve. Then I went up to Sutro Tower and blew a load on the fence. I really wanted to do it right on the tower but I couldn’t get over the fence and didn’t want to get arrested. Cops here in the city turn a blind eye to public masturbation and some cops will actually cheer you on and take pictures with their phones. This is a great city if you are into this sort of thing.

Now christmas is approaching and I am trying to decide what to buy myself. I am thinking about getting an inflatable butt plug that vibrates. Some of them have belt clips to put the bulb on your belt so strangers can give it a few squeezes when you’re on the bus or in clubs. I think that might be kind of fun.

Merry Christmas to all!