Owwwwwww!

Never, never, never jerk off using petroleum jelly as a lube.

OOOOOOOOOOOoooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Fuck that shit stings when it gets into open sores!

OOOOOOOOOoooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

That is all.

Mitch

Penis Butter

I just tried something different tonight.

I opened a fresh jar of creamy peanut butter and was about to stick a knife in to make a sandwitch when I found myself using the tip of the knife to draw a puckered asshole in the fresh peanut butter.

I got really horny and decided to stick my dick in the peanut butter asshole I just created.

It was heaven and I started to think about Bareass Mountain. After I blew my load in the peanut butter I called my neighbors dog over to clean it off and that was good too.

That dog sure likes peanut butter.

Woke up feeling funny this morning.

I don’t know what it was but I shoved a cucumber up my ass and jerked off to an Elton John video.

That is all.

I AM FIRED UP

I am so excited about the making of Bareback Mountain that I can’t even sleep. Fucking A this movie is the best thing to happen to me since I don’t know when. Nothing like some bareback action if that is what you are into but I’m totally straight and not really into it at all unless it is with a bunch of hot babes. It’s been a long time since I had a hot babe and I need to start looking for some I think. But this movie is going to KICK FUCKING ASS!

Bareback Mountain

I’m totally gonna go see that new movie “Bareback Mountain.” It is about two heterosexual cowboys who enjoy masterbating together while camping in the mountains. I am not kidding. This movie rocks. Can you believe a movie this cool is even being made?

This film will go a long way toward removing the negative stereotypes of people who are 100% straight like me yet enjoy jerking off to thoughts of men. I’ve heard there are a few anal sex scenes between the two men on the poster that takes place in a tent. Some people might consider that queer but whatever, they are shown inside the sleeping bag in every sex scene so it’s not that big of a deal since nothing is exposed. In other words, it’s OK to take your kids to see it.

“Bareback Mountain” looks like one hell of a movie and I can’t wait ’till it comes out.