OP-ED: Rectal feeding: what’s the big deal?

December 28, 2014

In over 25 years of blogging I have never written an op-ed, until now.

Although I am very happy to see rectal feeding in the news 24×7, I don’t understand why pumping someone’s ass full of hummus makes people so angry.

Rectal feeding is one of life’s great pleasures.  San Franciscans pay big money get their asses pumped full of hummus.

These “victims” should be more appreciative of the treatment they are receiving.  I’d take an ass full of hummus in a New York Minute.

Randy Rhodes – Best comedian I have ever heard!

April 1, 2014

I can’t believe I didn’t who this dude was before this week! Holy christ he is funny as shit!

This morning he was talking about global warming and how some scientific group was totally right on about how it was going to cause us all to drown if we lived anywhere near the coast. He said this scientific group was 100% correct because they had won a NOBEL PEACE PRIZE!

That right there was the punch line. Remember how those fucknuts gave Obama the Nobel Peace Prize a couple weeks after he had taken office in his first term. That right there told me that the Nobel peace prize was about as accurate as a retard with a broken calculator.

Anyway, I implore you to listen to this Randy Rhodes dude. He is funny as hell in the same vein as Phil Hendrie. He actually gets people calling in and agreeing with him about these totally absurd topics. He was goin on about Obamacare and how awesome it was and some woman call in and was agreeing like she believed it all. She had to be in on the gag because nobody is that stupid.

It’s been a long time since I had a post but between you and I, I just got tired of the bar scene in Frisco and was just sitting on my ouch thinking of new ways to get off. I promise I will be a little more active here now that I am back to my normal old self.

Peace out,


Steve Jobs – dead from AIDS at 56

October 5, 2011

Steve Jobs, inventor of the gayest phone ever, died of AIDS today

No coincidence that the apple logo is the same as the queery rainbow flag

No coincidence here

The progression of iPhone gayness has stopped. I predicted this in my September 2010 post Steve Jobs has AIDS. There will be no iPhone 5 because Tim Cook is as straight as me.

All you faggots are now shit outta luck. You will have to learn how to use a heterosexual phone all over again and there is nothing you can do about it.

The parade of cell phone faggotry has ended.

Let me remind you all that I am not gay in any way, shape or form even though I jerk off to Tim Cook’s hairy asshole.


Mitch Haase

Steve Jobs propositioning Eric Schmidt outside a Palo Alto coffee shop in 2010.

Steve Jobs propositioning Eric Schmidt outside a Palo Alto coffee shop in 2010.

Checking the Oil is 100% Hetero

February 26, 2011

Sexual battery charges have been filed against Preston Hill of Fresno for using a standard wrestling move called “checking the oil” or “butt drag” during high school PE class.

According to Fresno State wrestling coach Dennis DeLiddo:

“A butt drag isn’t sticking your finger up a guy’s rectum. That’d be counterproductive.”

How could it ever be counterproductive to stick your finger up a guy’s rectum, especially when wrestling?


My typical Friday night.  This is 100% hetero.

My typical Friday night. This is 100% hetero.

The butt drag is taught in all high school wrestling programs.

High school PE as I remember it

High school PE as I remember it

I don’t understand what all the fuss is all about, this does not look gay to me.

The butt drag, a standard wrestling move

The butt drag, a standard wrestling move

That wrestling coach in Fresno is probably a closeted homosexual and is afraid someone will notice the erection in his gym shorts.

There is nothing gay about wrestling

There is nothing gay about wrestling

UPDATE–Sexual battery charges have been dropped!

Preston Hill, 17, a senior at Buchanan High School near Fresno was charged with misdemeanor sexual battery after he allegedly inserted his fingers into a teammate’s anus during a wrestling practice last July. The 17-year-old’s father claimed his son had been taught the move, sometimes referred to as a “butt drag” or “checking the oil,” by the school’s wrestling coaches.

The TSA is a den of faggots

November 22, 2010
Business as usual at SFO

Business as usual at SFO

Let me start by saying that if anyone is going to grab my cock, it will be a woman.

Paying men to touch other men’s dicks is the very definition of a queer agenda.

The TSA is spending your tax dollars pushing faggotry and pederasty on decent, hard working heterosexuals like me.


Mitch Haase

The future of airport security

The future of airport security

Steve Jobs has AIDS

September 29, 2010

Steve Jobs, inventor of the gayest phone ever, has AIDS:

Steve Jobs AIDS Test Results

HIV test results for Steve Jobs

That’s right faggots, Steve Jobs has AIDS and there is nothing you can do about it.

When Steve Jobs dies of AIDS, the progression of iPhone gayness will stop.  You will be shit outta luck when you have to learn how to use a heterosexual phone all over again.

I can’t wait until the parade of cell phone faggotry ends.


Mitch Haase

Homosexual Apple Engineers

Typical day in Cupertino

Fighting or Fucking on account of 10 soups

August 11, 2010

This man speaks the distilled essence of life

“If a man borrows too much stuff and gets too far in debt,

either, you fight for it and let him know I’m not going to play you so me and you just gonna have to whup each other’s ass and we gonna go to lockup

or we gonna go back here and fuck, just however you wanna do it

that’s the way it works.

He might have borrowed 10 soups

and ended up fucking out his ass the rest of his life while he’s here

on account of 10 soups.”

Practical advice for anyone headed to prison

Jerking it in LA

July 20, 2010

What up my niggah’s? I’m in LA this week doing a little recon on the Hollywood scene. I used to come down here a lot when I had more time but sleeping until noon and then rubbing a dozen loads out during the course of the day doesn’t leave much time for traveling – or does it?

I jumped on a Southworst flight this morning and flew into LA. My buddy Peter who used to live in Frisco picked me up at the airport. Peter lives in a cool apartment just off Sunset next to a bar called Akbar. I thought it was a bar for Alaskan guys when I saw the sign but Peter says that they get a raging crowd every night of the week. Frisco only goes off on the weekends which makes me thing I should move down here.

We hung out at a place in Santa Monica called Roosterfish and sucked down a few cold ones. I was parched after my flight which included rubbing one out at 35,000 feet! FUCK YES! I blew my load all over the counter in the lavatory and left it there for some lucky lady. It wasn’t the first time I jerked of on a plane but it never gets old.

Peter wants to wait until midnight before we go down to Akbar. I’m drinking some strong coffee because I have a feeling that we are going to score with some chicks big time tonight. I love to bang LA bitches because they always scream like banshees when I fuck them. That’s cool with me because I love the feedback.

I’ll post more tomorrow after I wake up and let you fuckers know how I made out.



The HTC Evo jackstand

July 13, 2010
Is this what I think it is or does my phone have a boner?

Is this what I think it is or does my phone have a boner?

The HTC Evo jackstand in action

The HTC Evo jackstand in action

That’s right masturbators, the new HTC Evo has a built-in jackstand!

This leaves no doubt that the designers at HTC are avid masturbators and probably flaming homosexuals to boot.

The jackstand is the greatest cell phone innovation since the iPhone. This is ironic, considering Steve Jobs is dying of AIDS, a homosexual’s disease.

Mitch Haase

It is 100% hetero to have men in your spank bank

July 12, 2010
Fake Plastic Asses

Fresh out of the box, my fake plastic asses

That’s right bitches, it is TOTALLY STRAIGHT to jerk it to men.

As long as I don’t take another dude’s cock in my mouth or up my sweet virgin ass, I am fine.

I’ve been catching a lot of shit lately from a lot of people, they accuse me of being a homo but they don’t know shit.  I have never been a gay man, not even in college.  Fuck you for even thinking that I might.

My fake plastic asses finally arrived so I’m going to cut this short and get to some simulated rectal exam solo ass play.


Mitch Haase

Fuck all you faggots, I am straight

July 11, 2010

That’s right homos, I am a straight man and there is nothing you can do about it.

My ass is as virgin as the driven snow.  My cock has seen miles of pussy and you wish it was yours.

San Francisco is a den of faggotry and I thank Zeus every morning that I am as straight as Tom Cruise.

Fuck you all and suck my ass.  I am going out to dinner at Mecca, which is a restaurant for straight men.  Last time there was a homo in that place he had his ass beaten and dragged down Castro street.  Of course the gullible Castro queers thought it was an S & M display and laughed their asses off.  Dipshits.



On-demand rectal exam!

July 10, 2010
Pocket Rectal Exam!

This will keep me busy all weekend!

Holy shit masturbators, this is exactly what I’ve been looking for!

As you know, I love giving and receiving rectal exams, which is not gay in any shape or form.  This plastic ass will give me satisfaction whenever I need it, which will be nice because it can be god damn difficult to find other dudes who are straight and into rectal exams.

I ordered two of these because I wanted to make sure I had a spare in case this one breaks.

Time to hit my favorite tranny bar, The Gang Way on fabulous Market Street in San Francisco.  If I don’t have any luck finding straight men to give and receive rectal exams with, maybe this plastic ass will be waiting in my mailbox when I get home!

Pete Stark grabbed my ass!

June 30, 2010

This perverted old fuck came on to me like an chickenhawk and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I was shoving him away and he kept grabbing at me like a kid trying to get a piece of candy. I didn’t know who he was until a friend of mine told me but goddamn it he has no right to grab my junk the way he did.

Goddamn it’s fucking early

June 8, 2010

My fucking faggot neighbors woke me up with screaming and assfucking sounds at FIVE FUCKING AM!

What the hell is wrong with these people. I could care less if you are a faggot who needs to get some assfucking in before work but DON’T FUCKING SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL WHILE YOU ARE GETTING YOUR ASSHOLE REAMED OUT BY YOUR BOYFRIEND. These inconsiderate fucking people are still going at it as I post this which tells me that the little bitch taking it in the ass must be stretched out like a San Francisco city supervisor. Who the fuck can go at it for a fucking HOUR! The last bitch I tagged in the ass had me sucked dry in less than 30 seconds.

Since I am up so early I am going to try something special today. I am not going to jerk off until noon and when I do jerk off at noon, I am going to do it at the windmill in GG park. The windmill is a cool place to meet up with other guys who like to jerk off in public. I think a lot of them are homeless because they smell like decaying fecal matter and stale urine but I kind of like that smell. I like the smell of skunks too because it reminds me of good Humboldt green.

On a side note, I was out last night and saw this chick in a bar in Noe Valley and she was running around in just her bra and a short skirt!. I was getting pretty fucked up and was going to try and hit it but another dude beat me to it. It’s just as well because I would have had to buy her breakfast and drive her home and I hate that shit. I just want to blow my load and go to sleep and have them gone in the morning, hopefully without my wallet.

Helen Thomas – GTFO!

June 8, 2010

Thank god this bitter old cunt has been fired. If there was ever anyone who deserved it more it was Helen Thomas. They ought to strip her of any award she has ever won and if she has a pension, she ought to lose that too. This fucking old hag deserves to burn in hell for eternity.

Something that I haven’t heard anyone mention yet is her similarity to Herbert on Family Guy. Just wanted to say that I am the first to bring this up.

And yes, I did jerk off today. Five times. Three times onto the sidewalk below my front room window. Twice onto Bob Bechels face on the TV.



Greetings My Frisco Bitches!

June 7, 2010

It’s been a long weekend and I was busy blowing loads all over town.

Friday morning I started my annual weekend festivities by heading over to Cafe Flore on Market and 16th and had brunch. I love the copper top tables they have because I have an erotic copper fetish. I think it started when I used to jerk off with penny rolls but that’s another story for another time.

I finished my brunch and left the cafe with a raging hardon that I knew had to be taken care of immediately. I jumped on the first Muni bus to come by and took a seat in the rear and immediately whipped out my cock and started to beat it into submission. Only after I really started getting into it did I notice a fugly gook woman watching me like she had never seen anyone jerking off on a bus before. I moved to the other side of the bus and she got the hint and turned around.

It wasn’t more than a minute or so and I blew my load all over the back of the seat in front of me, slapped my cock on the seat back to knock of the residual cum and put it back in my pants. I got off at the next exit.

This is where the photo above coming into play. I was adjusting my cock in my pants and this guy comes up to me and asks me if I want to smoke a joint so I say yeah I want to smoke a fucking joint and I follow him to an open door and up a flight of stairs to his flat. I go in and sit down on this disgusting plaid couch and he comes walking back into the room dressed in black underwear with a fat fucking joint in his hand. We light up and he tells me his name is Fred and he wants to show me something.

I think that I know where this is going and he tells me to follow him into the other room and I come through the door and he’s laying on the bed with all of these toy guns and a couple real ones. I tell him that I have to take his picture and he goes OK so I took a few. He started rubbing his dick  but the guns and the smell of the bedroom were too much for me and I had to leave. I thanked him for the joint and left.

Once I was back on the street I headed down to a corner store and bought a 40. It was friday and my whole weekend was ahead of me and I sipped that tasty malt liquor and pondered my next session. Should I blow a load in the bay or should I blow a load here in the Castro?

I’ll tell you more later.


Obama Fooled Me Again!

May 10, 2010

So I woke up a few minutes ago with my dick in my hand and went over to the computer to find some porn to get busy with. When my screen came up it was on Drudgereport.com and I saw this bastion of masculinity and decided to look no farther for my morning encouragement. I was almost there and then I saw the pearl necklace and realized that this wasn’t a dude! I stopped immediately and read the article that it went to and goddamn if I hadn’t been fooled again! The first time this happened was when Janet Napolitano first came in to the news.

WTF is it with Obama and these burly women who look like dudes? I mean seriously? These women that Obama appoints all look like fucking Charles Bronson if you ask me.

And that gives me a good idea who to jerk off to this morning. Charles Bronson get ready for a load of Mitch!



UPDATE: After jerking it twice to Charles Bronson in Chato’s Land I went back to the photo of the “man” above and managed to rub one out without too much trouble. I am going to try it again before I go out tonight and may go with the jar of peanut butter method and see how that works. I don’t think I’ll bother with using any more of Obama’s manlike appointments to jerk it to unless Rahm comes up by accident. He’s actually a little too effeminate for me.

Bob Beckel is my New Cum Target

May 6, 2010

Bob Beckel, my masturbatory obsession

Bob Beckel is my new obsession. I don’t know where this pudgy teddy bear has been all my life but I know about him now. I spent most of the night jerking it to pictures of Bob Beckel and I am going to spend all day doing the same. Something about this guy just gives me a boner and I have to stop whenever I’m doing, lube up my cock and go to town.

I love his voice. I love his chubby looks. I love his lips that I would happily insert my cock into. I am not gay and letting Bob Beckel suck my dick doesn’t make me gay so fuck you haters. I just think Bob would look even better with loads of my cum splattered across his chubby cheeks.

Call me Bob, I will be waiting.



Blowing Loads on Mexican Protesters

May 1, 2010

Today is the big Mexican immigration protests that are supposed to be going on around the country and I am ready to do my part. I am in LA visiting some old friends from SF Jacks and they live right where the big LA protest marchers are supposed to gather.

Yes, you know where I am going with this. We are going to hang out on the roofs, jerk off and blow our loads on the protesters. If they want to live here so bad then they can take a sperm shower courtesy of ME and my friends.

This is a large movement in the US and there will be thousands of guys jerking off on these Mexicans today all over the country. I am so sick of these little fucks demanding their rights as illegal immigrants that I am ready to fucking puke. No make that ready to blow my load on their heads.

Go pick my corn and STFU you mexican bastards. Get ready for your cum shower assholes.




Just wanted to let everyone know that it was a VERY successful day of gravity enabled cumshots. There were about 20 of us on the roof and though there weren’t that many mexicans out protesting where we were at in LA we managed to blow loads on at least 50 of those ungrateful fuckers. All in all it was a great day and I made a lot of new buddies.

Immigration and Masturbation

April 29, 2010

Having lived in San Francisco for over ten years I would like to say that this city can suck the shit directly from my ass.

I say this because of the fucking retards in city government in this city that are screaming to boycott Arizona because of the AZ immigration bill. AZ should be able to do anything they want to protect their citizens and Gavin Newsom and his retarded board of supervisors need to STFU! If they felt so bad for the poor illegals, they should offer to take all 440,000 of the illegals in AZ and set them up in SF but I don’t see them doing that, do you? They are a bunch of hypocrites, losers and cocksuckers. Literally. Half the board of supervisors spend most of their free time sucking dick and taking it up the ass. I know this because a lot of them frequent SF Jacks and do a lot of their cocksucking and assfucking on the premises. It used to be a cool place to hang out and jerk off but once these fucking political scumbags started hanging out it totally ruined the scene. It’s one thing if someone wants to give you a reacharound because they want to get you off that’s one thing but doing it just to get your vote is sleazy and lurid.

Go AZ and kick those fucking spics back across the border into Mexico. They’re ruining this country almost as bad as the SF board of supervisors and Gavin Newsom.

I think I’m going to go and blow a load on the steps of City Hall tonight.

This Toy Ball is MINE!

April 26, 2010

I am as straight as the next guy here in Frisco but I do like a little gayness when I jerk off as my regular readers know. This brings me to today’s post.

Being unemployed has it’s perks especially in the entitlement heavy enclave of Frisco. This environment not only allows me to sleep in every day of the week but also allows me plenty of time to jerk off and train my asshole to accept large objects. Thank you San Francisco!

I’ve been working on this damn ball for weeks now and finally managed to get it up my ass this morning. Thank god I had a camera handy to record this occasion. It took a lot of crisco and a combination of photos of Jerry Gonzalez and internet gay porn to get this past my tight sphincter. Well, it was tight at one time and now it’s getting as loose as Barney Franks ass I would think. Anyway, I got this damn ball up there and am now working on getting it out. I know it will just come shooting out like a ping pong ball from a Thai hookers pussy eventually and I am just enjoying the stretched feeling it’s been giving me for the last few hours.

This accomplishment calls for a celebration so after I get it out I am headed over to Jason’s place and we’re riing out bikes down to the Castro for some food and drinks.

I am BACK and ready to PARTAY!

April 21, 2010

I haven’t been taking my blogging duties very seriously this year and for that I have to apologize.What I have been taking seriously is jerking off and for that I say “Fuck you sir!”

So my weeks have been pretty busy lately. I have been getting up at noon and starting my days off like an unemployed slacker which is exactly what I am these days. I thought Barack Obama was going to change that but so far that good for nothing, shit eating fuck hasn’t done a goddamn thing besides fucking over our country. And I actually voted for him but I sure as fuck won’t be voting for him in 2012.

Enough about that Obama fuck and back to jerking off. So I have recently gotten into jerking off on rooftops thanks to my good friend Jason. He introduced me to rooftop masturbation while we were out on a bike ride. We had been in the Haight smoking dope in the Panhandle and decided to ride over Clayton and into the Castro for a beer. I can’t hang in the Haight for too long because I can’t stand dirty hippy stank. Those fuckers always smell like urine and sweat and it makes me want to puke.

Jason and I rode over Clayton and dropped into the Castro and stopped by his buddy’s place for a few drinks and poppers. I think his buddy might be gay. Jason grabs me and says, “Let’s go to the roof.” with that smile I have come to know as meaning lets jerk our penises off.

I hadn’t jerked off on a roof so this was new to me and I was sporting wood by the time we got to the roof. Jason whipped out a tub of Anal-Eze (no shit it’s really called that but it works great for jerking off) and we both lubed up our penises and started stroking. I hadn’t jerked off in a couple hours by then and I was ready to blow in about ten strokes. I decided to go to the edge of the roof and blow my load over the edge and onto the sidewalk below. What a rush! I was just about to let loose when I heard people screaming and clapping on the sidewalk below. I looked down and immediately blew my load down on to them and they didn’t even get out of the way! WTF? One guy actually tried to catch some of my load in his mouth and another guy licked some of it off the mailbox.

Fucking weirdos. Only in Frisco. I wish I had a picture but I didn’t have my camera with me so I am posting a photo that I like to jerk off to.

Goddamn what happened to this year?

March 31, 2010

First off I want to reiterate that I am not GAY in any way. You horny bastards who keep writing me and requesting that I stick my cock in your ass or open up my ass for your cock are FUCKING NOT GOING TO GET ANYTHING FROM ME!

Now that I have that out of the way I just want to let everyone know what I have been doing for the last few weeks. I have been practicing for the Masturbate-a-Thon. After a poor showing last year – I blew my load much sooner than I wanted, I am in serious training.

Part of my training consists of watching Andy Griffith re-runs and switching to porn during the commercials. I try to rub one out during the commercial time and when I am just about to blow my load I switch back to Andy Griffith and slowly jerk off until the next commercial.I think that this will give me an edge except I have to be careful when there is an episode with Floyd the Barber because he gets my juices flowing if you know what I mean.

I have also been spending a lot of time in Golden Gate Park and jerking off with guys who are also training. We have a good understanding and nobody crosses the line even when we are drinking. I try to blow at least two loads in the park every day.

Speaking of blowing loads in the park, I am late for my morning training.



Just blew a load out my window

February 16, 2010

I don’t have much to say today other than I just blew a load out my front window and on to the windshield of a parked car. I hate that car because it’s been parked there for the last two days and hasn’t moved. WTF is wrong with these people anyway?

I have no idea what I am going to do today but I know that it’s going to involve blowing another load or two before lunch. I might go down to the Castro to grab a bite to eat and that always means that I’ll rub at least one out on the way over there. I like to take the Muni K/T down there because it drops me off not far from the theatre and all of the good restaurants though today I want to try out Squat & Gobble on 16th. The name cracks me up because all I can think of is a hot chick squatting and gobbling my knob which I’m sure is why they named it that.

I am not gay!

February 9, 2010

It doesn’t matter where I woke up this afternoon, I AM NOT GAY!

That is all.


This is My Waterloo

February 5, 2010

As most of you know, I can blow a load just walking on a slanted sidewalk but I have met my match. This fucking beast has been the only thing that has ever made my cock go as limp as an overcooked piece of angel hair pasta.

I watched Jersey Shore or whatever the fuck it’s called over at a friends house and they dared me to rub one out to this Snookie beast. Always one for a challenge I took the bet and put some money on it figuring it would be an easy five bucks. No sooner than I started to whip out my dick it became obvious that this wasn’t going to be happening. My fucking cock decided to play turtle on me and disappeared into it’s © groincave and wouldn’t come out for anything.

I’d sooner fuck a stray dog with rabies than this Snookie beast.

Fuck me!

This is How I Roll

February 4, 2010

If I had total control over my looks this is how I imagine I’d look like. Think of the possibilities.

On another note I jerked off four times today. I was going through my Tivo and for some fucking reason Rosie O’Donnell was taped. I like as much gayness as the next guy but Rosie if far too masculine for my taste. But for some reason I felt compelled to watch and before I knew it I had a chubby and the urge to rub one out yet it was Rosie on the screen. One thing led to another and I jammed my hand into the commercial tin of Crisco I keep next to my couch and went to town. Now before some of start to wonder what the fuck I was thinking keep in mind that this was my first cockflog of the day so I could have jerked it to a nun and been through in 30 seconds.

Watching Rosie on the screen I began to imagine her as a man which wasn’t too much of a stretch. From the stubble on her chin to her mannish features she could easily pass for a fat dude. She kind of reminds me of Jerry Gonzalez with hair. I’m not into the bear scene but like I said, it was my first cockflogging on the day. It took longer than I thought but I managed to nut in about 90 seconds and blew my load out my front window on to the sidewalk. I dig blowing my load into the air and watching it fall and splat.

It’s now 2PM or so and I’ve nutted three more times and I think I’m going to go for a before dinner yank. Anyone have any suggestions on what I should use or what I should blow my load on?



Goddamn it’s Fucking February Already!

February 1, 2010

What the fuck happened to January? I feel like someone slipped me some roofies after new years and I just woke up.

Part of my New Years Resolution for 2010 is to get really creative on the first of the month and jerk off in a really big way. This morning I did just that.

I always keep a tub of Crisco on hand because you never know when you’re going to need some emergency lube. I score with so many chicks in Frisco that are into buttsex that I would go broke buying AnalEze and Crisco works just as well and is much cheaper.

So I broke out my trusty bat I bought a couple years ago and hadn’t used for anything other than threatening my old roommate for rent money and put it to good use. I was a little worried about splinters and thought about puttng a condom on the end but then thought what the fuck and started working it in.

This was working for my but them I saw a roll of duck tape on the floor that I used to quiet some horny old broad who was too noisy (and too hairy if you ask me) and started wrapping it tight around my cock and balls. This was a weird feeling for me but I got into it and blew a load that shot across the room and hit the window dead center.

Now for the bad news. Getting the duck tape off was FUCKING PAINFUL! I didn’t think about this part when I was wrapping it around my cock. It took off all of the hair on my balls and a little skin too. I don’t think I’ll be jerking off for a couple days until I scab over and heal.

I Blew a Load into the San Francisco Bay

January 29, 2010

I spent most of today cruising around the city looking for a job. I got laid off a while back and damn is it hard to find something these days.

I spent most of the day in Noe Valley and the Castro stopping in a few bars for drinks and shooting the shit with the rest of the unemployed assholes around town.

Once it started to get close to 3pm I popped my mid afternoon boner and had to do something about it. I thought about going into a porno theatre but blowing a load in there is so played out. Sure, you have the glory holes in some of them and that can be fun but I really just needed to get a hand on things if you know what I mean.

I found myself at the ferry terminal and got on one of the Red & White fleet boats and made my way to the back. The weather kept most everyone inside so I had the rear deck to myself. I unzipped and did the old spit in the palm routine and got to work. By the time we got half way across the bay I was blowing my load into the bay like a pro. I managed to nut twice before making the return to the city, wiped my hand off on the rail and got off the boat. I walked up to North Beach and grabbed a plate of the cheapest gook food I could find.

I think it’s time to start going to SF Jacks again because although this solo thing is fun I really need a little more gayness when I jerk off.

Public Masturbation on Bikes!

January 18, 2010

Happy New Year you fucking freaks!

This has been a good two weeks and I am living up to my resolution of masturbating every day for an entire year, sometimes multiple times in a day.

Earlier last week, my friend Jason Meggs and I went out biking around the city looking for good places to jerk off in public. He does it all the time but this would be a first for me. He has been trying to get my on a bike for a while now and I was finally up for it after he brought me a pair of bike shorts and some lube as a belated Christmas present.

We began out trip by riding to Zeitgeist over on Valencia for some liquid courage (like I need that to jerk it in public). We locked out bikes up and went in for a while and has a few pilsners. We decided to ridw down Market into the Castro since blowing a load on the sidewalk is almost expected in that neighborhood. Let me take this time to state that I am not gay in any way. I just like a little gayness when I jerk off.

We rode to the Safeway and stopped at the corner across from where my favorite restaurant in all of SF used to be – Mecca. I am bummed that they closed because I loved going there. Anyway we started to jerk off in unison facing Mecca (hah hah) and both blew our loads in less than a minute. We had pre-lubed out riding shorts with Anal-eze and were already sporting chubbies so it was easy to rub one out in just a few strokes.

After wiping our cocks on the bus stop wall we continued on towards Noe Valley but got sidetracked and went in to 440. That place is always full of burly sports fans and they make me feel welcome whenever I stop by. One thing led to another and this big chick started to give me a reacharound when I was ordering a pint. This got me going again and the guys started cheering me on to whip out my cock for her so I did and got a FUCKING BLOW JOB right at the bar!. Jason was just standing there with his hand in his shorts and staring in disbelief as I got my cock sucked by this big chick and the next thing I know he has it out and blows a load on her head from behind. The guys in the bar were hooting and hollaring and I think the big chick really liked it. She wouldn’t let go of my dick even though I was starting to shrivel. I got her number and am going to hook up with her again later in the week.

So far so good. I am finally catching up on my sleep now that it’s sunday. Not going out tonight though I am going to jerk off in the window and blow a load on the sidewalk next to the front entry.

I love doing that.



Happy New Year Everyone!

January 2, 2010

Just a quick note before I go out on the town.

Last night, New Years Eve, was a little out of control. I can’t go into details right now because of legal reasons but lets just say that fucking dude in the dress won’t be trying to give anyone a reach around in the near future.

I am going down to the Twin Peaks Tavern to drink a few down and see if I can shake this fucking hangover that I have had all day. I am never drinking silk panties again. That’s a drink not really panties for you ignorant ones.

And last, my new years resolution is to masturbate at least once a day, every day, all year. So far I am on track to keep this resolution even though it is only day 1. I jerked off on my balcony this morning as people were walking down the sidewalk. I tried to blow a load on this dude as he rode by on a bike but I didn’t lead him enough and I just hit the sidewalk and the hood of a car.

Off to the tavern. Blow a load and tell me about it – I appreciate your comments.

Happy Fucking New Years!

December 31, 2009

It’s that time of year again and I am ready to party!

Not sure what all my plans are going to be tonight but I am going out and will be slaying some pussy and you can bet on that.

I am meeting some friends for drinks at some bar called the Hole in the Wall. Never been there but Bruce said that it’s a cool place to hang out. After I get a few in me I’ll go out hunting some poon. If anyone has any good suggestions on places to go please let me know because for some reason the bitches haven’t been out on the town much. I don’t know if it’s the economy or they don’t like the rain but it’s been DRY if you know what I mean. The only thing wet has been my palm with a big dollop of Anal Ease.

Speaking of masturbation, I had a great session on the J-Church the other night. I was coming home from a bar and it was late and I was one of the only ones on the train besides some dudes in the front. I was wearing some jeans so I just unzipped and started jerking it. Before I knew it I was ready to blow and left my spooge all over the seat in front of me just as I was getting to my stop. I wiped my dick on the back of the seat and zipped up.

It was a good night. Tonight should be even better.

Happy New Years to all.

Greetings Faggots!

December 23, 2009

It’s been over a month since I last blogged so let me get you all up to date.

On thanksgiving I went to a “Barack Obama Circle Jerk” party in Noe Valley. My friend Stephen held it and had told me that it was co-ed but only dudes showed up. We basically sat around and jerked off to Barack Obama giving speeches. As some of you know from my old blog I have a bit of a thing for Barack Obama when I jerk off but I wast to reiterate that I am not gay in any way shape or form. I just like a little gayness when I jerk off.

Anyway there were about twenty guys at the circle jerk and we all blew our loads onto an Obama campaign poster. Someone took a photo and I am trying to get a copy of it so I can post it here.

During the early part of december I went on a masturbation marathon and did nothing else for ten days. Unemployment rocks if you like to jerk off a lot. I started off jerking it on my couch watching old Andy Griffith shows. I even tried to jerk it to a documentary about Harvey Milk but it was too gay for me to blow a load to.

I thought it would be fun to jerk off at differnet locations around the city. My first stop was the old windmill in GG park down by ocean beach. I blew a load right on the side of the windmill and that was cool. My next stop was Pier 39. I had to do my thing there late at night when nobody was around. I tried to blow my load on a seal but couldn’t get the distance. Next up was Union Square in front of Macy’s where I met a guy sleeping in the park who jerked off with me. We both blew our loads on a photo of Gavin Newsom that was in the Guardian. From there I went down to what used to be my favorite burger joint in SF, Hot and Hunky. I can’t believe that it’s gone but I jerked off and blew a load on the doormat in honor of the great burgers they used to serve. Then I went up to Sutro Tower and blew a load on the fence. I really wanted to do it right on the tower but I couldn’t get over the fence and didn’t want to get arrested. Cops here in the city turn a blind eye to public masturbation and some cops will actually cheer you on and take pictures with their phones. This is a great city if you are into this sort of thing.

Now christmas is approaching and I am trying to decide what to buy myself. I am thinking about getting an inflatable butt plug that vibrates. Some of them have belt clips to put the bulb on your belt so strangers can give it a few squeezes when you’re on the bus or in clubs. I think that might be kind of fun.

Merry Christmas to all!


November 21, 2009

I woke up this morning early which is insane since I was up all FUCKING NIGHT with a bunch of hot bitches that I bought home from a bar out on 15th. I don’t know why everyone says you can’t meet chicks in the Frisco.

So I am at this bar called The Lookout that my buddy Bruce told me about. He said it was a great place to meet chicks and he was right. The place was packed with them and they were all hot and dressed like sluts. I usually don’t dance but seeing all of the tail in that place got me out on the dance floor and shaking my ass.

These four hotties came up to me and made a Mitch sandwich with a side of coleslaw and goddamn was that fun. I ended up buying them drinks all night and when 2am rolled around I was money. All four of them came over to my apartment and we partied hearty all night.

I remember trying to get them to get naked but they wouldn’t strip down past their bras and panties but they didn’t mind me getting buck naked so I whipped it out and they ate some breakfast sausage if you know what I mean.

At some point around 6am I must have fallen asleep because that’s about the last time I can remember seeing the clock. When I woke up they were all gone.

The only think I don’t understand is how I got razor burn on my thighs. Strange.

I was LIED TO!

November 11, 2009

Well I had a rude awakening the other night.

The Eagle Bar I was going to with Peter and Bruce was a FUCKING GAY BAR! NO CHICKS! MOTHERFUCKERS! They sure got a big laugh out of that after getting me buzzed before we left Peter’s house. Peter was making “Satin Panties” for us to drink before we left for the Eagle to get a buzz going so we didn’t spend too much at the bar. We walked down there from the house and I get it and order a Cosmo and start looking around and it is all DUDE! IN LEATHER! WTF?

We finished our Cosmo’s and then went to get a bite to eat at Clown Alley.

Those guys!

Later – Mitch

Happy Saturday Sexy Heteros

November 8, 2009

I am just getting ready to head out to meet some friends at a bar called the Eagle or something like that. It’s south of Market is all I know. They said I would really like it so it must be packed with hot chicks. I have been getting a lot of email from people who seem to think I’m gay and I want to say one and for all that I am not gay in any way and I have never had another mans dick in my ass.

I have had guys offer me cash if I would let them suck my dick but that doesn’t make me gay. That just makes me a good businessman.

Off to the Eagle bar.




Blogger can suck my hairy ass!

October 13, 2009

Welcome to my new home here at wordpress. Blogger saw it necessary to block my blog as soon as I wrote anything about Barack Obama. They are a bunch of pussies over there and deserve to lose all of their customers.

This is just a short how do you do before I start blogging like a horny sailor on shore leave in Saigon.

Found a New Hobby

September 1, 2009

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while but I just haven’t been in the mood.

I’ve been in the mood to jerk off like a fiend but just not blog about it, until now!

I recently started in a new direction that will cement my spot in the heterosexual world. No more of this faggoty ass play that I got sucked into. I am now heavily into penetrating my urethra and it fucking rocks! If you haven’t tried this before, you may not know what you’re missing. Just steer clear of fish hooks, trust me.

I started with q-tips when I had a small sore in my urethra and once that healed I couldn’t stop sticking stuff up there. Here’s a pic of me with a coat hanger that I worked up there last night. I am going to try to see if I can stretch it out so I can eventually turn my dick inside out! Wouldn’t that be bitchin? Of course, I don’t know how I would get it back out but it couldn’t be too hard.

Give me some suggestion on things I can stick up there and I’ll do my best to do it and take pics.

And lastly I want to say that I AM STRAIGHT AND NOT GAY IN ANY WAY.

That is all.


I fucked myself!

July 22, 2009

I really need to blog more than once a month but I am just too busy sleeping, drinking and jerking off to bother with it.

What have I been up to you are all wondering? I have been sitting in my apartment, watching Skinemax and eating cereal. Seriously, that is what I have been doing for the last four fucking weeks. I got laid off from my job right after the masturbate-a-thon and I have been in a funk ever since. I really haven’t gone out much because I am trying to conserve some cash. I hate that fuck of a president we have and I am not voting for him again.

On a positive note, I did finally manage to fuck myself good. And my buddy Peter was over and got a photo for me. Before you assholes start calling me a faggot this doesn’t make be a fag because it was my dick in my ass. I have never had another mans dick in my ass or mouth and I never will.

I AM STRAIGHT! I just like a little gayness when I jerk off.

I’m Back and Ready to Mount Up!

June 22, 2009

It has been a while since I posted anything and for that I have to say to you TOO FUCKING BAD!

Actually after the Jack-A-Thon I was pretty wiped out. I blew more loads in a few hours than I ever have before and it took a couple weeks to get the urge to jerk it again. And then it happened. Or didn’t happen to be more accurate.

I was so backed up after the Jack-A-Thon that I didn’t take a shit for almost two weeks and when I finally managed to work that bad boy out I was wasted. I tried bran, raisins, prunes, chopsticks, a spoon and the garden hose but nothing would make it budge. I finally gave up hope and thought I might have to actually have anal sex to stir shit up (pun intended) but I woke up one morning with a turtle head of massive proportions poking out my ass. After an explosive movement I am back to normal.

This is a photo of the last movement. I like to call it Mitch’s Last Movement in C Minor because that’s the key I was screaming in when it fianlly let loose.

Now, back to masturbating. Anyone have any good suggestions of things I can stick my dick into? And nobody better suggest peanut butter or a tub of Crisco because I have already tried both.


Just like a walk-a-thon but with lube and tissues…

April 30, 2009

IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN!!!! I am going to seriously compete this year. Last year I blew a load 12 FUCKING FEET! I have been practicing and I know I can beat that distance (pun intended) this year.


  • Saturday, May 2, 2009
  • General Performers & Admission: 3:00 pm – 10:00 pm
    Longevity Competitors: 12:00 pm until the record is broken!
2009 Masturbate-a-thon Competitions
  • Longest Squirt Distance
    An area will be set up so that participants can compete for longest squirting/ejaculation distance. This will be a mixed gender event and whoever goes the fluid distance wins! This contest will be held at 7 pm.
  • Longest Time Spent Masturbating
    How long can people masturbate? Well, the current record is over 8 hours. Bend your gender expectations; that participant was 100% male. Winners will be awarded in as many gender categories as are appropriate.
  • Most Orgasms
    Multiple orgasms aren’t just for females. The Masturbate-a-Thon record for most male orgasms is 6! Of course, women are a little ahead in this game with a record of 49 orgasm in a single masturbate-a-thon event. Wow! Men, women and any other declared gender category will compete for their own multi-orgasmic titles.
  • Tag Team Fun
    This is a tag team race like you have never seen. Team members tag each other for a place change in the masturbation arena.


You can get more information here!


I am a flaming heterosexual!

February 14, 2009

That is all I wanted to say right now.

This is freaking me out!

February 13, 2009

I haven’t been able to fucking think straight today after the dream that I had last night.

I woke up in a cold sweat from a dream where I was in bed with Michelle Obama. Personally, I think she looks freakish with those teeth that burst out of her mouth and that cro-mag brow. I woke in in a panic because I am not into that look, I can tell you that. My dick was shriveled up like a button mushroom and I actually had a panic attack I think. This is not the same reaction I had a few weeks ago when I dreamt about being in bed with Barack. In that dream he wrapped his audacious lips around my dick and sucked like he was trying to get my vote for the stimulus package.

I am going to try to get myself together and make some arugula for dinner and see if I can get Jerry Gonzalez into my thoughts instead of Michelle Obama.

Football is too gay for me to watch

February 10, 2009

I’ve been thinking about how gay football is, mostly while I have been jerking off. The funny thing is that I can’t seem to blow a load to it and everyone know that I like some gayness when I jerk off.

I think the issue is that football is TOO gay, and I just like a little gayness.

The photo above illustrates this perfectly.

I am not gay!

January 19, 2009

It doesn’t matter where I woke up sunday morning, I AM NOT GAY!

That is all.


Party Time in Frisco

January 14, 2009

Goddamn I love this city. You can go to a different party every night of the week if you want and have a great time. The only problem is that it seems to be mostly guys doing the partying during the week because chicks are never around. I guess that’s because they are lightweights and can’t handle their booze and other partyables.

So I went to Hot and Hunky for a burger on tuesday night and met these guys who were having a party at their place just down the street and they invited me over. I think they might have been artists or something because their apartment was really clean and neat. They also had a lot of blow on hand which made me think they were painters or something. I took this picture of Philip snorting coke off his room mates dick for a laugh. Artists are always doing funny stuff like that for a laugh. What didn’t make me laugh was when he sucked that dick clean. I don’t think he is gay or anything because I don’t hang out with fags but I have to admit that coke on the dick thing was a little queer.

All is all, it was a fun party. There were some other guys there who must have been riding their motorcycles because they were in full leather. It was a good party for a wednesday night.

That’s all I have to say about that.

Karl Lagerfeld is my kind of faggot

January 3, 2009

Karl Lagerfeld says animals would kill us if they could and fat people are a bigger problem than thin models:


I couldn’t agree more. And just look at this guy. I am not queer but I would suck him off in a New York minute.

Barack is my new fixation

December 28, 2008

After no inflatable butt plugs showed up in my stockings, I decided to hit the bottle. Boozing is my favorite hobby next to jerking off and I am quite skilled in both.

After downing a good part of a fifth of Wild Turkey, I started to get my queer on and busted out the computer to look for something inspiring to blow a few loads to. The first image that caught my eye was a shot of Barack Obama and his shaved chest that was taken in Hawaii just a few days ago. I started thinking about why the fuck would the new president of the USA be shaving or waxing his chest? WTF? This is a pretty queer thing for anyone to do but the fucking president? What does this tell our enemies? It tells them that the ruler of the free world is wasting his time going to the gym and waxing his chest instead of focusing on the problems facing the world.
Then I saw the photo of Michelle Obama and it all became clear. Barack is gay! Michelle is a beard! How did I not see if before? The careful manscaping, the effeminate voice, sucking dick for crack when he was living in NYC. It was a revelation. I decided to punish myself during this session and got out the Ben Gay. Ben Gay is fantastic for putting a little twist into jerking off. First I spread a healthy amount of Ben Gay on my fist shaped buttplug and started to work it in. Goddamn! This felt like I had been in Mexico for the last month eating tacos from street carts and chugging picante sauce – talk about the hot-poops. Next I stuck my hand into the half gallon container that I store my Ben Gay in, grabbed a dallop and started jerking my cock to that goddamned queer Barack.
It was only a matter of minutes before I blew a load across the computer screen and face of our next president. I think that Barack Obama has surpassed my adoration of Jerry Gonzalez.

My favorite actor is dead

December 26, 2008

This is a sad day. I just found out John Costelloe shot himself last week. He was found in his basement in Brooklyn. John Costelloe played the greatest part ever written for any TV show, “Johnny Cakes” Witowski on The Sopranos.

Johnny Cakes and the closeted homosexual gangster Vito Spatafore (played by Joseph Gannascoli) had gay sex in every episode they were in. A fat, closeted New Jersey wop thug banging a short order cook in Vermont is great TV by any standard.

Thank you John Costelloe for your great contributions to American television. You will be missed but never forgotten.

Goddamn this is gay!

August 12, 2008

I haven’t been able to even think straight since I went to a street fair a couple weeks ago. It was called the Up Your Alley fair and I thought it was just going to be your typical street festival that are all over Frisco every weekend of the summer. I thought I was going to meet some drunk chicks and get lucky but the only chicks that were there were fat dykes. NO THANKS!

It turns out that it is a fucking queer street fair! Goddamn! I’m all for a little gayness when I jerk off but this is just over the top. Let me just say that I have never had another mans penis in my ass and I never will after seeing this. I couldn’t even get a boner over half of what I saw that day. I wish I had brought a camera but luckily for me someone else did and you can find the pictures here.

I downloaded a few of the ones that I liked to use later when I am feeling the need for a little gayness but most of what I saw was fucking disgusting. These fucking homos are out of control and sick. This isn’t something you should be doing in the street. There were little kids around who saw all of this gayness of course they were probably adopted kids of fags so they are just being indoctrinated into the “lifestyle”.

Personally, I think this is child abuse.

On the plus side I did run into some old friends from SF Jacks and they invited me to a party at their friend Phillips house up on the hill not far from that big rainbow flag at the end of Market Street. I’ll bet they were just as disgusted by what they saw at the Up Your Alley fair.

Well, off to jerk off down on the beach. It’s been a while since I used salt water and sand and for some reason I have an uncontrollable urge to masturbate. Must have been that episode of Melrose Place I watched last night.

I love taking public transit

July 1, 2008

God damn these gas prices. I just saw it for $4.77 last weekend and I am FUCKING PISSED!

To get around this problem I have been leaving my car in the garage and taking public transit around the city and it isn’t so bad. 
I took this photo on Muni while heading over to Hot and Hunky to grab a burger with some friends on sunday afternoon.

GODDAMNIT! Jerry Gonzalez! I am jerking off nonstop because of you!

June 2, 2008

This is what Jerry Gonzalez does to me!

Ever since my email and subsequent reply from Jerry Gonzalez over at GALEO (Should stand for Good and Loud Ejaculation Organization) I have been jerking off non-stop. Jerry Gonzalez has my cock at attention 24/7.

I started off by printing a bunch of copies of his photo off and blowing loads onto his sexy shaved head. I should have taken photos of the blown loads all over his photo but I was just to fired up to bother. I made one of his photos larger and cut a hole where his mouth was and just fucked the shit out of his mouth. Goddamn was that HOT!

I have been thinking of ways that I can finally live out this little fantasy of mine. My business trip to Atlanta was postponed so that gives me more time to think about how I can make this a reality. What do you think? Should I give Jerry a call and tell him how I feel about him? Should I just put it out there? I mean, he looks like a guy who has had his share of loads blown on his face so I don’t think that would be an issue but you never know.

I just want to reiterate that I am not gay in any way shape or form. I do not want to have gay sex with Jerry Gonzalez, I just want to fuck his mouth and blow a load on his sexy bald head. This does not make me gay.

Jerry, I will be dreaming of our steamy encounter every night until we might meet. I sure hope you’re up for this and I think you are.



Where has the time gone?

April 2, 2008

I can’t believe it’s been about six weeks since my last post but something happened yesterday and I have to share because it is fucking crazy.

I was in Golden Gate Park the other day spending the afternoon jerking off into the ponds and watching the fish swallow my jizz. After blowing a few loads into the pond I got bored and decided to go down and catch a movie in the Castro. Anyway, I dipped my dick in the pond to clean up and a fish fucking bit my dick! I am not joking in any way shape or form.

I will post a photo of my bit dick as soon as I can find the goddamn cable and get it off the camera and into my computer.

Also, I have been getting a lot of email lately from people accusing me of being gay and I just want to reiterate that I am 100% straight and not gay at all. I have never taken it up the ass or sucked a dick in my life and I don’t intend to.


This plastic mouth rocks my WORLD!

February 18, 2008

This thing rocks! Never before have I had such a great pseudo-queer experience. You can use this thing all day and night and never have to deal with those lingering feelings of guilt over a little queer fantasy.

I picked this baby up at nawtythings.com for only $15 and it is worth every cent. Make sure to get some KY warming lube if you don’t have any because that makes it feel like a real, honest to goodness fag mouth. Just pour that lube into the throat and you’re ready for action. This baby is easy to travel with though the TSA screeners gave me some strange looks when I came back from my visit to New Orleans to visit some buddies of mine last weekend.

In closing, I just want to reiterate that I am not gay in any way shape or form and have never had another mans cock in my ass.


February 12, 2008

I am having a bad winter let me tell you that much right now.

First off, some ASSHOLE broke a window in my car, took a dump on the drivers seat, stole everything that wasn’t nailed down and my insurance company won’t cover it. Now every time it rains, which is a lot this winter, my car gets soaked. When my car gets soaked, then every time I get in it to go somewhere my ass gets soaked. To top it off, I have bums sleeping in it three days a week and there is nothing nastier than a wet bum in your car.

Secondly, I have been getting skeevy emails from some faggot named John Thawley. He is trying to get me to come and visit him and for me to let him suck my dick. For the last time – I AM NOT GAY! – John Thawley you need to stop sending me these fucking emails with your gay come ons because I am not buying it. Take your fag cruising and find someone else to suck dick because I am not gay in any way, shape or form.

Now that I have that off my chest, I am going to spend the lunch hour jerking off.

Have a nice day.


I’ve been sick as a dog!

February 1, 2008

But that hasn’t stopped me from jerking off in new and creative ways. I am not sure what hit me but I have been bleeding out my ass and puking the last two weeks and I AM FUCKING TIRED OF IT! Now that that’s off my chest I can get back to the important stuff like jerking off.

This is a photo of my latest adventure and before you assholes start calling me a fag I AM NOT FUCKING GAY!

Anyway I put on these shoes I found in the foyer of my apartment building and got out my nut stretching gear. Lots of women here in Frisco love long hanging balls and I am only happy to give it to them. I only wear these shoes to get me higher off the ground so my nuts stretch more so don’t even think of calling me a fag for wearing them. They are only for added height.

That is all for now.


I am fucking going to Copenhagen!

January 11, 2008

Self-lovers coming together

HOT on the heels of San Francisco and London, Copenhagen is to host a Masturbate-a-Thon in May which organisers hope will help break lingering taboos about self-love.

Pia Struck Madsen, a sexologist in the Danish capital, said her goal was to see men and women from all backgrounds come together – pardon the pun – and join an event that promises “pleasure, relaxation and sexual self-discovery”.

“Masturbation is positive, safe and an erotic alternative,” she said ahead of the event on May 31, to take place at a yet-to-be-decided venue with separate rooms for men, women and those who don’t mind mingling.

The original Masturbate-a-Thon took place in San Francisco in 1998, with participants raising money for good causes. Now an annual event, it was followed by a similar event in London in July 2006.

I Missed My Calling

January 11, 2008

Masturbating artist slammed


AN ARTIST has created a new exhibition of drawings by masturbating over paper.

Controversial performance artist Jordan McKenzie, 40, has made 55 images by ejaculating over canvas and sprinkling carbon over the results to immortalise them.

The results of his labour entitled Spent are to go on display at the Centre for Recent Drawing in Highbury, north London, for a month.

But Father Kit Cunningham, of St Etheldredas Church in Clerkenwell, said: “All we can do is pray for the artist.”

The clergyman, based at the oldest Roman Catholic church in London, stressed: “The extraordinary thing is that someone actually thought it was art and put it on at his gallery.

“We are clearly dealing with a very mixed-up person.

Art lover and artist David Gleeson said: “Tracy Emin showed her knickers but this is a different thing entirely.

“I am in favour of almost any form of expression but I do baulk at ejaculating over a piece of paper. Oh please!

“Excuse the pun, but it sounds like he’s taking the p***.”

Jordan, who intends to create three drawings a week, said: “This is only the first batch of them.

“It is a diary of my ejaculations they are heartfelt and delicate.

“I hope people will come and see them – not judge them out of hand.”

Goddamn I like this shirt!

November 26, 2007

I can’t believe that it’s monday again. I really enjoyed my thanksgiving holiday time off and I put it to good use. Yes, you guessed it, I jerked off as much as possible. I started my thanksgiving vacation by getting up early on thursday morning and getting my turkey ready to put in the oven. While I was stuffing the turkey with vegetables I couldn’t help but get aroused by the sloppy opening staring me in the face. Yes, I immediately stuck my dick into my turkey and proceeded to stuff it good. Goddamn that was a satisfying event if I do say so myself, and I do say so. I finished off with the turkey in more ways than one and put it in the oven. I have to say that it was one of the tastiest turkeys I have ever had. Martha Stewart has nothing on me. I ought to show that bitch how to cook a turkey.

I spent the rest of the weekend jerking off like a maniac both at home and out around the city. I decided to go out to grab a burger at Hot and Hunky on Market Street and jerked off the the bathroom after I finished eating and my hands were still greasy. After that I went over to a bar a few doors down and had a few beers. Not many chicks were out on friday night. Saturday I went to Golden Gate Park and jerked off on a passed out junkie. I walked down Haight Street until I got to Ashbury and jerked off there. I always wanted to jerk off in the epicenter of hippie heaven. After that I jumped in a cab and went down to the SF Eagle to look for chicks and damn I didn’t find any. Chicks are getting scarce in Frisco though I still manage to get laid as much as I want. Sunday I jerked off out my window onto the sidewalk below and tried to hit people as they walked by.

It’s not as easy as it sounds.

San Francisco is officially straight!

November 21, 2007

I just read this article and it makes San Francisco look as straight as a Boy Scout in Billings. Afghanistan is one fucked up place and you will not catch me dead there.


Afghan boy dancers sexually abused by former warlords
Sun Nov 18, 8:22 PM ET

PUL-E KHUMRI, Afghanistan (Reuters) – They are known as “bacha bereesh,” boys without beards, teenage boys who dress up as girls and dance for male patrons at parties in northern Afghanistan.

It’s an age old practice that has led to some of the boy dancers being turned into sex slaves by wealthy and powerful patrons, often former warlords, who dress the boys up as girls, shower them with gifts and keep them as “mistresses.”

Afghan police are battling to crackdown on the practice which has angered Islamic clerics who say those involved should be stoned for sodomy, forbidden under Islamic law.

In a society where the sexes are strictly segregated, it is common for men to dance for other men at weddings in Afghanistan.

But in northern Afghanistan, former warlords and mujahideen commanders have taken that a step further with competitions for their dancing boys.

“Every boy tries to be the first. They are dressed in women’s clothes, have bells on their feet and have artificial breasts,” said Mohammad Yawar, a former mujahideen fighter against the Taliban and resident of the northern town of Pul-e Khumri.

The practice, called “bacha bazi” — literally “boy play” — has a long history in northern Afghanistan, but sometimes it does not stop with just dancing.

“I very much enjoy hugging a boy. His smell and fragrance kills me,” said Yawar.

The 38-year-old businessman said he recruited a 15-year-old boy three years ago to help him with his work.

“I have had him for at least three years, since he was only 15. He was looking for a job and I gave him somewhere to stay,” said Yawar, showing the boy’s picture.

“I don’t have a wife. He is like my wife. I dress him in women’s clothes and have him sleep beside me. I enjoy him and he is my everything,” he said, kissing the photograph.


Having the best-looking boy and the best dancer is a mark of prestige.

“Everyone tries to have the best, most handsome and good-looking boy,” said a former mujahideen commander, who declined to be named.

“Sometimes we gather and make our boys dance and whoever wins, his boy will be the best boy.”

Former mujahideen commanders hold such parties in and around Pul-e Khumri about once a week.

“Having a boy has become a custom for us. Whoever wants to show off, should have a boy,” said Enayatullah, a 42-year-old landowner in Baghlan province.

“I was married to a woman 20 years ago, she left me because of my boy,” he said. “I was playing with my boy every night and was away from home, eventually my wife decided to leave me. I am happy with my decision, because I am used to sleeping and entertaining with my young boy.”

The men say they lavish money and gifts on their boys.

“I was only 14-years-old when a former Uzbek commander forced me to have sex with him,” said Shir Mohammad in Sar-e Pol province. “Later, I quit my family and became his secretary. I have been with him for 10 years, I am now grown up, but he still loves me and I sleep with him.”

Ahmad Jawad, aged 17, has been with a wealthy landowner for the past two years.

“I am used to it. I love my lord. I love to dance and act like a woman and play with my owner,” he said.

Asked what he would do when he got older, he said: “Once I grow up, I will be an owner and I will have my own boys.”

But Shir Mohammad, at 24, was already getting too old to be a dancing boy. “I am grown up now and do not have the beauty of former years. So, I proposed to marry my lord’s daughter and he has agreed to it.”


Many local residents have called for a crackdown, but are skeptical it will work as many of the men are powerful and well-armed former commanders.

Jahan Shah, who lives in Pul-e Khumri, said government and security officials should take tough action against unIslamic and immoral acts.

“If they don’t stop this, it will become a custom and hundreds of other boys will be involved in it,” he said.

Police and security officials in northern Afghanistan say they have been doing their best to arrest the men involved.

“It is sad to state that this practice that includes making boys dance, sexual abuse and sometimes even selling boys, has been going on for years,” said General Asadollah Amarkhil, the security chief of Kunduz province.

“We have taken steps to stop it to the extent that we are able,” he said.

Amarkhil said poverty, widespread in Afghanistan after nearly three decades of war, forced teenage boys into compliance.

“We have taken very strict measures to save the lives of the boys and punish the men,” he said. “We are monitoring to find out where these men and boys gather, then go there and arrest them.”

Those found guilty of abuse would be jailed for at least 15 years, said Baghlan chief prosecutor Hafizullah Khaliqyar.

“We have 25 cases of such immoral acts. They are being processed and we are trying our utmost to tackle the problem,” he said.

Islamic scholars recommended harsher punishment.

“Those who do this are the devil,” said Mawlawi Mohammad Sadiq Sadiqyar, a scholar and prayer leader in the main northern city of Mazar-i-Sharif. “Under Islamic law, those who practice this should be stoned to death.”

But some of the men say they are not interested in women.

“We know it is immoral and unIslamic, but how can we quit? We do not like women, we just want boys,” said Chaman Gul, aged 35 of Takhar province.

This is the coolest thing I have ever seen!

November 14, 2007

I was in a bar in Frisco last night and went to take a piss and this is the urinal they had in the bathroom! OMFG! How cool is this? I have to have one of these at home. I wonder if my landlord would let me install one in my bathroom? All I know is that this fucking rocks! I have a lot of girlfriends and they are going to love this too.

This kind of makes me horny.

November 7, 2007

If a chick has a dick, that doesn’t make me gay. It makes a chick with a dick. If said chick put her dick in my ass that wouldn’t make me gay either because she is a chick, not a dude. Personally, I would like to meet this chick and see if she wants to party.


November 5, 2007

I was bored last night and got to thinking, “I wonder if I could stick my dick in my ass?”

Well, a few beers and some lube later, I had my dick in my ass. And before you faggots start telling me that I am gay, think again. Just because I had my own dick in my own ass, that doesn’t make me gay.

For the record, it didn’t really do anything for me and I had to jerk off using the old spit in the palm way.

This does not make me gay

October 20, 2007

My buddy Stephen and I were taking pictures last night and he suggested that we take one of our dicks. I think it looks as straight as possible considering how gay it seemed when he first brought up the idea.

You are only gay if you take a cock up your ass

October 9, 2007

I get tired of people telling me that I am gay when I have never had a cock up my ass. I am not gay in any way shape or form because I have upheld my end of being straight! I repeat – YOU ARE NOT GAY UNLESS YOU HAVE TAKEN A COCK UP YOUR ASS!

Now, that being said I want to discuss the following images, all of which are not gay.

This is something that I have been trying to accomplish my entire life. I used to be able to do it when I was a teenager but now that I have gotten older it isn’t possible anymore. If I could do this then I would never leave my house.

This is something that I don’t recommend trying. This doesn’t make you gay either so don’t even start in on me.

Now this is on the fringe of being gay because something could fall in your ass or some fag might think that this is an invitation to stick his cock in your ass. As long as you don’t take a cock in your ass then this is as straight as Bill Clinton getting a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky. That bitch was fat. What was Bill thinking? I sure as hell would have gotten someone much better looking to suck my dick if I was president of the USA.

This does not make me gay!

October 8, 2007

Just because I put my dick in another man’s ass it does not make me gay. I have never had another man’s dick in my ass and never will and I am as straight as an arrow.

On the other hand, this shit below is gay as hell and I want no part of this perverted bullshit.

That is all.

Blast from the past!

September 5, 2007

I was just looking through a box of old pictures and came across some from a party I went to a few years ago when I first moved to my house out near the ocean. I was shopping in the Safeway and met some guys buying vegetables and they invited me to this party that was up in Guerneville. I had never even heard of it so I thought what the hell. It was called bear and squirrel weekend or something like that. I never got out to hunt any bears or squirrels and to tell the truth, that’s a strange combination of animals to hunt if you ask me. I was drinking Everclear punch so I don’t remember much.

Anyway, enjoy the pic of a wet and wild party. By t he way, just because everyone was naked doesn’t mean I am gay. I am not gay in any way, shape or form. I also have never had a dick up my ass and that is what makes you gay so I am straight.

This makes my dick hard

September 5, 2007

Just because this gives me a hard on it doesn’t mean I’m gay.

Cowboy Self Portrait

September 4, 2007

This was my final project for my high school art class. It is my greatest accomplishment.

I am motivated to blog!

August 29, 2007

What’s up my fellow masturbators?

I was just thinking about planning out by bone bopping sessions by marking them on a calendar and then doing it. I think it is something that no one has ever done before. So, tomorrow it starts. Here what I have in store for the next week.

Wednesday: Jerk off in the O’Farrell-Ellis Street garage. I have to go to Macy’s to buy some new underware and this is where I park so why not. I might jerk off in a dressing room at Macy’s before or afterwards.

Thursday: I am going to jerk off at the old Sutro Baths next to the Cliff House.

Friday: I am going to jerk off twice on friday. In the morning I am going to go to the Starbucks near Powell and whatever street that in sear Union Square and jerk off in the bathroom. I hope they have a bathroom because I have never checked. In the evening I am going to jerk off in front of City Hall.

Saturday: I am going to walk half way across the Golden Gate Bridge and jerk off into the bay. If I am lucky I will be able to hit a freighter or something. I think that would be cool.

Sunday I am going to jerk off in the park in front of that big church in Washington Square park in North Beach.

I think this is going to be fun. I don’t have much to do right now so this will be like having some chores to do except they will be fun chores.

Where is everyone?

August 28, 2007

It has been way to long since I wrote on my blog so here it is people.

What I have been doing for the last six weeks:

Jerking off of course. I went to SF Jacks a couple weeks ago and met a really nice bunch of guys who have the same interest as I do which is jerking off to homosexual fantasies. I want to reiterate that I AM NOT GAY AND I HAVE NEVER TAKEN IT UP THE ASS OR HAD A DICK IN MY MOUTH!

Now that I have that out of the way we can get back to SF Jacks. When you show up you check your clothes. Once you are in the club you just walk around and find a comfortable place to kick back, make some new friends and jerk off. Lube is everywhere and they encourage “creative pecker play”. I did not make that up.

I met a few guys there who are really into jerking off like I am and all the guys said that they were straight but like to jerk off with other guys or at least jerk off to homosexual thoughts. This DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAY! I spend about two hours there and afterwards went and grabbed a hamburger at this place on Market Street called “Hot and Hunky”. I kid you not. There were a bunch of fags in there both eating and working but they didn’t bother any of us.

After we ate our burgers a bunch of the guys were going to a bar called the SF Eagle but I was too tired to pick up chicks plus I had been jerking off for a couple of hours so I wasn’t in the mood anyway. I told the guys I would meet up with them and cruise for chicks another time. They must really like pussy because some of them jerked off a half a dozen times and they still wanted to hit the bars.

Tonight I am watching a DVD of Babes on Broadway and drinking some beers. I promise I will write more sooner than later.



Terrorists are Queer – More teachings of the Queeran

July 1, 2007

This is just more proof that Islam is full of homosexuals and it is because of homosexuality that they are killing innocent people instead of themselves. They must really get angry after sodomizing non-believers and “infidels”. What a bunch of repressed assfucking dickheads. Fuck Islam and fuck the Queerans gay teachings.

It’s ok to like a little gayness when you jerk off but these losers just take things a little too far.

Man Sexually Assaulted in Pakistan After Refusing to Convert to Islam

Lawyers in Pakistan are investigating a report that up to 30 men tortured and gang-raped a young Christian man for refusing to convert to Islam.

The victim is seriously injured and unable to move, Release International’s partner in Pakistan has reported. However, according to the Centre for Legal Aid Assistance and Settlement (CLAAS) the police are keeping him locked up and have denied him medical treatment.

The police are also refusing to register the rape following a counter-claim made by his principal attacker – “a man of influence”, Release International has told Christian Today.

According to CLAAS, the Christian was invited to a game of cricket. A quarrel broke out and he was beaten up. Later that evening, the father of one of the Muslims asked the Christian over to his house.

Joseph Francis, the National Director of CLAAS, explained: “When he entered the drawing room, he found it filled with unknown people. They began to beat him severely. They threatened him with dire consequences if he did not accept Islam. After his refusal, they committed sodomy with him one by one for the whole night.”

Francis said that they later threw their victim out on the street unconscious.

CLAAS has visited the victim and his family. They believe the counter accusation that he stole money and a mobile phone is false. They say the charges were drawn up by the attacker, who has used his influence to put pressure on the authorities.

“We’re deeply concerned about the growing number of attacks against Christians in Pakistan,” says Release International’s CEO Andy Dipper. “We are receiving reports of rape, abductions and forced conversion. Pakistan is becoming an increasingly difficult place for Christians to live.

“To make matters worse, the government is pushing through a law which could impose the death penalty for any Muslim man who converts to Christianity – and life imprisonment for any woman.”

“As well as being an attack on the basic human rights of Muslims, this will also make things harder for Christians who preach the gospel,” concluded Dipper.

Release International is appealing to Christians to pray for the victim and for the lawyers at CLAAS, who are dealing with a growing number of atrocities against Christians.

Queers are responsible for terrorism

June 21, 2007

The proof is in the pudding:

Arrests at Jerusalem gay parade

A Gay Pride march in Jerusalem has been taking place amid tight security, sparking fierce protests among the holy city’s religious communities.

An ultra-Orthodox Jewish man was arrested for planning to bomb the parade, Israeli police said.

Fifteen other people were arrested for throwing stones at police after Israel’s High Court rejected an appeal by religious groups to ban the march.

More than 7,000 police were deployed to secure the parade to prevent clashes.

Israeli police spokesman Micky Rosenfeld said officers found an explosive device in the bag of the alleged bomb plotter.

“He admitted he planned on planting it on the route of the parade today,” Mr Rosenfeld said.

Personally I am not gay and I have never had my dick in another man’s ass. The way these queers always want to get their queerness into everyones face is causing more problems for the world as far as terrorism is concerned. Queerness in public is even causing non-muslims to plant bombs.

The queers in the western world ought to do what the Arab and Muslim queers do and that is keep it to yourself. It’s common knowledge that most Muslim men like to have sex with young boys, it even tells them to cornhole young men in the Queeran. What they don’t do it hold parades and fuck in the streets like animals they way they do here in Frisco and over there in Jerusalem.

You have to draw the line somewhere and I think Fred Phelps is a good man to be drawing them. He is a prophet though we can learn a lot from the oldest queer community in the world, Islam.

the moral of the story is to be queer if you want but keep it your own business. Nobody wants to see queer sex in public unless it is at a masturbate-a-thon. Then it is fine with me because I like a little queerness when I jerk off.

John Edwards is a faggot

May 2, 2007

There is no way John Edwards will get the 2008 Democratic presidential nomination. He is a cock sucking faggot just like J. Edgar Hoover.

He is married to a fat wife and has an effeminate style. He is the classic respectable married man who is a closet faggot on the side. You know damn well he never fucks her and is into sucking cock.

I can’t stand that Ann Coulter or her masculine adam’s apple but she was right when she said John Edwards is homosexual.

This is why he will never get the nomination. Democrats are ok with queers but they’re not ready to have one for president. It’ll happen to a woman or a black before it ever happens to a gay.

Who even knew this was illegal?

February 8, 2007

I jerk off in public all the time. That is why I moved to San Francisco because here people expect you to jerk off. I jerk off on street corners while I am waiting for the J Church train to come. I jerk off on BART, I jerk off at Starbucks, I jerk off at Ocean Beach using sand and sea water. I jerk off non fucking stop if you want to know the truth.

Albany man accused of lewdness aboard ski gondola

William N. Barret III, 47, a state employee, enters not guilty plea in Vermont

By DAN HIGGINS, Staff writer
Click byline for more stories by writer.
First published: Thursday, February 8, 2007

BRATTLEBORO, Vt. — A 47-year-old data processing supervisor in the state comptroller’s office this week denied charges that he was naked and masturbating inside a glass-enclosed ski lift car at a Vermont ski area.

William N. Barret III of Oliver Street, Albany, was charged with felony lewd and lascivious conduct at Stratton Mountain Resort in December. He also was charged with misdemeanor marijuana possession. He entered his plea Tuesday in Brattleboro District Court.

On Dec. 15, according to police in the town of Winhall, a 26-year-old man riding a gondola down the hill passed Barret’s gondola, which was on its way up.

The witness, according to a police affidavit, could see a naked man standing up in the enclosed ski lift car. The witness said the man was masturbating.

The witness noted the number on the side of the gondola and made a report to the ski patrol when he got to the bottom of the hill.

Police and Stratton security greeted a fully dressed Barret at the bottom of the hill, and the witness identified him as the naked lift rider.

Barret told police he had taken off his jacket and shirt “because it was a nice day,” authorities said. But the officer at the scene, Gregory Gould, noted he was shivering despite his long-sleeve uniform shirt and several layers.

When Gould saw a black cloth pouch protruding from Barret’s pocket, he asked what it was. Barret allegedly replied, “More trouble.”

Inside the pouch, Gould said he found a lighter, a glass pipe and a film canister that contained a little over a gram of marijuana.

Barret was issued a citation.

In court Tuesday, he pleaded innocent to the charges. A status conference on the case is scheduled for April 23.

Barret’s attorney declined comment. Barret’s telephone number is unlisted.

Dan Weiller, a spokesman for the comptroller’s office, confirmed that Barret is a data processing supervisor who earns a little more than $80,000 per year. He declined further comment.

Dan Higgins can be reached at 454-5523 or by e-mail at dhiggins@timesunion.com.

FUCK YES!!!! I could be a star!

January 11, 2007

This is too cool. They are masturbating to music on Broadway and calling it art! Where do I sign up? I need to get the hell out of Frisco and get my ass to the NYC.

Sex sells on Broadway

New York – Teenage sex scenes showing a naked breast, masturbation and sadomasochism aren’t the usual Broadway fare, but Spring Awakening has become the surprise hit musical of the season while being hailed as tastefully erotic.

Adapted from German playwright Frank Wedekind’s then-scandalous 1891 play, Spring Awakening looks at the angst of high school students and their sexual awakening in repressed 19th-century Germany.

With song titles such as The Bitch of Living and Touch Me, the show opened on Broadway last month to glowing reviews that compared its contemporary rock song score to that of the prize-winning Rent. Its run was recently extended.

When considering a Broadway musical, “probably nobody thinks: pure sex. That might just change,” said New York Times critic Charles Isherwood, calling the show “a straight shot of eroticism” as it tastefully deals with provocative topics such as abortion, homosexuality and abuse.

“Spring Awakening’ makes sex strange again, no mean feat, in our mechanically prurient age,” Isherwood said.

Scenes between the lead male and female characters include an erotically charged one in which she encourages a spanking with a wooden plank, leading to the exposure of a bare breast.

Similarly, one of the secondary characters displays homosexual longings and comically sings and masturbates centre stage, surrounded by dancing females.

Trials of puberty

Critics and the show’s creators, playwright Steven Sater and composer Duncan Sheik, said the show is less about sex than about staying true to teen spirit. The cast members are 17 to 22 years old.

“It touches something deep that is resonant in all of us, which is our own adolescent experience,” said Sater, who persuaded Sheik to write the music after meeting him chanting at a Buddhist gathering and writing the lyrics to Sheik’s third album.

Neither feared the sexuality would leave audiences aghast.

“There is nothing exploitative about it. It simply shows what it is like for these young people to go through the trials of puberty,” Sater said.

Sheik, 37, gained fame for his 1996 hit pop music single Barely Breathing. He said he composed the musical after becoming disillusioned with his early success.

“Our culture in general has a real acceptance and even love of violence and a real fear of sexuality that is troubling, and that is one of the things Spring Awakening addresses,” he said.

Teenage angst

While the show’s longer-term success may lie in whether it can seduce traditional theater-goers and a younger audience, both men say they already have an avid fan base.

“I just got an e-mail from a 15-year-old boy who was going through a lot of teenage angst,” Sheik said. “Every day he puts on The Bitch of Living and jumps around his room screaming at the top of his lungs.”

Fred Phelps is a great prophet

October 7, 2006

Watch this and you will see what I mean:

Hobbies of mine.

April 19, 2006

Here in San Francisco it’s so expensive that I have to come up with ways to entertain myself at home. Big hanging nutsacks are a turn on for women everywhere and here I am stretching them for the next lucky lady. You have to remember not to store these things in the freezer because it will give you a shock that you don’t want to experience.

This is what I am all about though it doesn’t make me gay in any way. Just because I live in San Francisco doesn’t mean I am gay either even though 1 in 4 men are gay and have AIDS I am not one of them.

What a weekend!

April 17, 2006

I hope everyone had a great weekend because I did. I bought a copy of Brokeback Mountain so I could watch it anytime I like and had a party with my friend Peter. Here’s a picture of the afterparty. Please know that this in no way makes me gay because I have never had another mans penis in my ass and I never will.


April 14, 2006

Just because I like a little gayness when I jerk off doesn’t mean I am gay.

Something about this really sets my nads on fire!

April 11, 2006

I think this picture says it all.

"Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" Has Produced A Queer US Army

April 9, 2006

Look at these fucking faggots. Think you would have ever seen anything like this before Bill Clinton shoved “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” up the military’s ass? Hells no, negro. If soldiers pulled shit like this back in The Great War their CO would have given them the lash.

Jesus fuck shit like this pisses me off. The military is supposed to be 100% guaranteed free of homosexuals for obvious reasons. If you’re in a foxhole or out on watch and things are a little slow and your sergeant starts touching your dick, how is that supposed to help you do your job?

Because of all the fucking queerness that has crept into the military, people like this lady are hanging out at soldier’s funerals. I’m not kidding. If this lady pulled this shit back during The Great War, the funeralgoers would have beat the fucking piss out of her and her friends.

All this shit is proof that society is fucked. Between the queers in the military and the anti-queer funeral protesters, this world is going to hell in a handbasket but I am going to stay 100% straight the whole time, no matter how much pressure is put on me to suck dick. I don’t care who is telling me to do it, whether it’s my sergeant or my fucking father the answer will be the same–FUCK YOU, I’M NOT QUEER I just like a little gayness when I jerk off.

This is How I cook my Hot Dogs!

April 6, 2006

This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

This guy rawks!

April 5, 2006

I think this is the coolest guy I have ever seen. Here he is just doing his thing in the dirt without giving a shit about what anybody says. And to top it off he blows a load all over himself.

This is what I aspire to except I want a bigger cock than this guy. That thing is tiny.

And yes, I jerked off after I saw this pic. Actually, I jerked off a bunch of times because this is what turns me on. But I want to say again that I am not gay in any way shape or form and I do not take it up the ass.

I just like a little gayness when I jerk off.

Burning the Mexican Flag

March 28, 2006

I am asking my neighbors to burn as many Mexican flags as they can get their hands on. These fucking illegal aliens marching in the streets are really starting to piss me off. Imagine what would happen if a bunch of Americans living in Mexico marched through the streets of Mexico City. They certainly wouldn’t be greeted with hand jobs and reach arounds, that’s for damn sure.

Mitch Haase

This is what I am all about!

March 23, 2006

I think this photo speaks for itself though I am not queer in any way, shape or form so fuck you if you even think about it.

I just like a little gayness when I jerk off!

Incentive to go on a Diet

March 10, 2006

I was just thinking about cutting down on all of the cheese I eat and trying to drop a pound or two when I saw Richard Simmons on TV. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him until the show ended. It was then I decided to get serious about my diet so I went to the refrigerator and got rid of all my government cheese. I kept the pourable cheese but that was it.

After I cleaned out the refrigerator I went online to do research on diets and Richard Simmons. It was then I came across this wonderful incentive photo. Richard Simmons rocks and I am going to do everything I can to be like him but not with that hairdo.

This is going to be a great weekend because I am going to see Brokeback Mountain again and start my new diet.

Love, Mitch

This gave me a total fucking hard on

March 8, 2006

Fucking A my dick is throbbing!

this is what it’s all about

March 4, 2006

packing a gook’s mouth full of shit is how i live. &nbsp i dedicate this photo to the greatest generation.

jerking it to men does not make you a faggot

February 14, 2006
Just because this gives me a hard on,

it doesn’t mean I’m queer.

How I spent my evening last night

February 2, 2006

This is totally hetero.


January 27, 2006

Sorry I haven’t posted anything in a while but I have been too busy. Too busy doing what you ask? I have been out to see Bareback Mountain every night since it’s release and I can never see it enough. It is a touching love story that anyone will appreciate. The way those two cowboys love their wives makes me tear up. I don’t understand why they always want to go camping on the mountain without their wives but I guess the women must not be into camping or something. Too bad because the wives could have helped them keep warm when they got cold up there on the mountain.

Another thing that I have been up to is a little gardening with my new friend Peter. He has gone out of his way to show me gardening tricks I never would have learned on my own. Here is a picture I took when gardening over at Peters house.

He was joking around and said to take a picture of him gardening naked but after I took the picture he wouldn’t put his clothes on until the next morning. Peter is funny like that. We went out to pick up some chicks the next night but he really wasn’t into it and didn’t even try to nail any of them so we just got a buzz on and hung out with some of his buddies at one of their houses. They are a nice bunch of guys.

Almost time to head out for tonights screening of Bareback Mountain. Tonight I am going with all of Peters friends.

What I found this morning

January 6, 2006

I just came across this photo and there are two things about it that amaze me.

The first is how the guy going down on the hairy leg chick has a tongue that looks just like a dick.

The second is how hairy this chicks legs are. I would make her shave but that is just me.

best goddamned news article ever

December 9, 2005

This is probably the greatest piece of news ever written. I’m going to quote my favorite parts then follow up with what I think.

“Santa Claus is coming early for lovers of artwork with engorged penises.”

YES! FUCKING A! That would be me!

“Hedric has nixed his idea of hanging a Christmas wreath with blinking lights from the phallus”

This is a shame. It is exactly what I would have done with that sweet wooden penis.

“Hedric removed the loincloth, and the statue remained exposed in his window for the next three weeks until an anonymous man lodged a complaint because the penis was at his children’s eye level.”

He should have just kicked that guy’s ass right there on the spot. What a fucking prick. They probably weren’t even his kids either.

“We have a definition of what harmful material is in the Penal Code and I don’t think this meets that standard”

Damn straight. Some people might think it’s kinda queer but when San Francisco created the Penal Code in the late 1960’s, its specific purpose was to let everyone know what they could & couldn’t do with penises, hence the name. There is no way this teak penis met the standard defined in the Penal Code.

“If anything, it is shaking up the knee-jerk reaction that the Castro is being gentrified with straight people. I just don’t think that is the case.”

There is no fucking way on god’s green earth that the motherfucking Castro would EVER be gentrified by heterosexuals. The straights would take over the bayview and hunter’s point before they would ever consider the fucking Castro. The queers have salted the earth in the Castro. Just imagine how many loads have been blown in dudes asses over the decades in that neighborhood. It boggles the mind. The Castro probably has more loads blown in dudes asses per square foot per year than any other place on earth. This is so fucking obvious it should just be tallyed up as scientific fact right now and skip the debate, send it stright to the textbook (no pun intended).

god’s attitude torward homos

December 8, 2005


you must listen to this

I had something to post today but I forgot

December 2, 2005

I can’t remember what I was going to post but I am sure it had something to do with the fact that I am not gay and I do not take it up the ass in any way. Just because you try something a few times does not mean you are gay and I am tired of people telling me that I am gay so FUCK YOU!


November 30, 2005

Never, never, never jerk off using petroleum jelly as a lube.


Fuck that shit stings when it gets into open sores!


That is all.


Penis Butter

November 29, 2005

I just tried something different tonight.

I opened a fresh jar of creamy peanut butter and was about to stick a knife in to make a sandwitch when I found myself using the tip of the knife to draw a puckered asshole in the fresh peanut butter.

I got really horny and decided to stick my dick in the peanut butter asshole I just created.

It was heaven and I started to think about Bareass Mountain. After I blew my load in the peanut butter I called my neighbors dog over to clean it off and that was good too.

That dog sure likes peanut butter.

Woke up feeling funny this morning.

November 26, 2005

I don’t know what it was but I shoved a cucumber up my ass and jerked off to an Elton John video.

That is all.


November 22, 2005

I am so excited about the making of Bareback Mountain that I can’t even sleep. Fucking A this movie is the best thing to happen to me since I don’t know when. Nothing like some bareback action if that is what you are into but I’m totally straight and not really into it at all unless it is with a bunch of hot babes. It’s been a long time since I had a hot babe and I need to start looking for some I think. But this movie is going to KICK FUCKING ASS!